Good Day Grover Pickers,

I saw that my neighborhood CVS is already decorated with orange and black candy and ghoulish costumes and crappy scary trinkets, which is beautiful because it means….

There is a Witching Hour this Sunday! 3pm until whenever the last 1pm NFL games ends. Winners become losers. Losers become lucky. Warm up your Redzone, dial in your Sunday Ticket, the professionals have arrived for the first week of the National Football League.

I am excited for a full week, not just a weekend, of professional professional football and professional amateur football from Wednesday through Monday night. Whatever happens, it will be more entertaining and twice as infuriating as last week’s games! That’s why we love it.

Your Commissioner, THE Commissioner, is all set to make jokes about games and reveal weird facts and stories about those games. The Commissioner works hard to keep the Grover Picks Blog a politics-free zone. We all agree on a love of football, and if we never speak of anything else, cool! But, well, sometimes being THE Commissioner involves uncomfortable and unpleasant conversations, too. As usual, the latest conversation is sparked by our founder and namesake, Paul Grove, who asked on a text chain, “What does everyone think about the protect college sports act?”

IT SUCKS.

And The Commissioner doesn’t want to talk about it.

The answer is loaded. It’s coded. A proper answer requires nuance, critical thinking and maturity.

That’s not what we do here!

If you want to know what The Commissioner thinks about the Protect College Sports Act, I’ve put the answer at the very end of this blog post. Read at your own risk. Here are the main points.

1. Don’t trust former coaches who were the highest paid state employees to have any interest in what’s best for college football. They only protect coaches and coaches salaries.
2. Don’t trust people who are in charge of rule making and management for college athletics, many of whom are extraordinarily smart and educated people, when they say they can’t solve their own problems which are of their own making.
3. Don’t trust people who are asking for special laws so they don’t have to abide by the existing laws that protect consumers and employees.
4. Everyone loves capitalism until they can’t control the outcome, or, in this case, the income.

So, to summarize the Protect College Sports Act,

IT SUCKS.

Let’s get back to football where we can all solve our problems with violence. And also with replay.

WESTERN MICHIGAN BEAT MICHIGAN.

After further review, the MAC has come out with a proper allegation that the Big10 botched their own procedures at the end of the Michigan v Western Michigan game by adding an extra, phantom, one second to the end of the game to give Michigan one more chance to win, which the Wolverines fully took advantage of.

The job of the Big10 is to protect the brand and the money. It will not do to have a Big10 school, even Rutgers, lose to UMASS and then Mighty Michigan lose at home to a directional school on the same weekend that the SEC goes 16-0 against a mostly cupcake schedule.

So the Big10, the most American of conferences not named The American, pulled out an old Soviet trick and bent time to their will.

Such shenanigans shall not stand in our great nation this year. We are calling out the crime, self-dealing, skullduggery, fraud, theft, rigged results and corruption that threatens the fabric of our great nation, even if it means standing up for Kalamazoo!

I stand with the MAC!

WHY WEDNESDAY NFL FOOTBALL!

Why is the NFL opening its season on a Wednesday night? Because of the US Congress! Those helpful folks passed the Sports Broadcasting Act of 1961, before the advent of the internet and microwave popcorn, and it dictates when professional football games may be televised in 2026! Thank you, Freedom and Democracy!

This is the real and actual law of the United States which explicitly forbids the broadcast of professional football games on any Friday or Saturday from the second Friday in September through the second Saturday in December. (OH! That’s why the NFL suddenly has Saturday doubleheaders in December!) The penalty for breaking this law is probably only a long prison sentence, but it’s not NOT death. Hard to know.

(DO NOT ask me what happens if college football teams are deemed to be professional and still want to play on Fridays and Saturdays. The law is clear.)

The issue here is time zones. The Los Angeles Rams and San Francisco 49ers will open their season in Melbourne, Australia in a game that will kick off at 10:35am in the 100,000 seat Melbourne Cricket Grounds and be broadcast on Thursday night in the United States. (Technically, Netflix is not a broadcaster, but just go with it.)

The NFL has a recent tradition of opening the season on a Thursday night with a game featuring the Super Bowl Champions because that’s when Cris Collinsworth is available. Neither the Rams nor the 49ers won the Super Bowl. So, the Seahawks will host the Patriots on NBC at 8:20 p.m. ET. on WEDNESDAY. No law against that.

GAMES!

PROFESSIONAL AMATEUR FOOTBALL

TIGERS V JAYHAWKS

Why are the Missouri Tigers and Kansas Jayhawks such bitter rivals? Hey, we already said we are not going to discuss politics, and this one is an historical whopper. You’ve got 5G and time between meetings, so look it up, but maybe not on your work computer.

Here’s the most recent reason why these teams share real hate. It is also an example for what good government, such as in the current US Senate, can do for you if you are interested in sports justice or a Missouri Tiger fan and against you if you put your trust in an NFL owner, a Faculty group, and/or are a Kansas fan.

On Thursday August, 6, 2026, and this is true and not a made up Commissioner story, U.S. Senator from Missouri Eric Schmitt spoke on the floor of the Senate.

Here is what the real and actual Congressional Record reports:
3:15 p.m. Senator Schmitt spoke on the 1960 University of Missouri Tigers football team. He then received consent that the Senate agree to S. Res. 833 – Recognizing the 1960 University of Missouri Tigers Football team for its undefeated regular season, Orange Bowl victory and claim to the 1960
National championship.

In 1960, #1 Missouri was undefeated, 11-0, except for one loss. The Tigers lost to Kansas, their rival. However, Kansas got busted for using an ineligible player.

The charge was that former KU player Bud Adams, owner of the Houston Oilers, took a freshman from TCU to an all-star game in Chicago in 1958 and that player ended up playing in two games for Kansas in 1960. This was called ‘excessive entertainment’ and was a recruiting violation.

Then Big8 Faculty leaders met and voted to strip Kansas of two wins, including a dominant win over the #1 ranked Missouri Tigers.

Faculty members? This was a loooong time ago when college was related to education.

At the meeting to determine Faculty Justice on the charges, the Big8 rule was that a 6-2 vote was required to sanction a school. According to KUsports.com, the first order of business that day was to change that rule to make 5-3 enough to convict Kansas. After several rounds of voting, the Faculty reached a 5-3 vote to punish Kansas.

From that moment, Missouri has counted the KU game as a forfeit by the Jayhawks, making the Tiger’s record 11-0. Finally, last month, the United States Senate declared Missouri the National Champions. Justice, long deferred, finally confirmed.

Also from that moment, the NCAA has still recognized Kansas as the winner of the 1960 game with Missouri. The final score on the field was Kansas 27, Missouri 7.

Congratulations to the new 1960 National Champion Missouri Tigers!

This title will be unpleasant news for the Ole Miss Rebels, who finished 1960 10-0-1 and claimed the Football Writers Association of America National Championship.

This title will be unpleasant news for the Minnesota Golden Gophers, who finished 1960 8-2 and were awarded the National Championship by the Associate Press AND the United Press International polls.

This title will be unpleasant news for the Washington Huskies, who finished 10-1 in 1960, defeated Minnesota in the Rose Bowl, and were named National Champions by the Helms Athletic Foundation.

This title will be unpleasant news for the Iowa Hawkeyes, who finished the 1960 season 8-1, with the only loss to Minnesota, but were named National Champions by the Litkenhous Rating System as well as by the Boand System, Berryman QPRS, Sagarin Ratings, and the Billingsley Report.

Would you look at that! The US Congress fixed a football season. “Repaired” maybe a better word than “Fixed”. Anyway, everything is clear and settled now and all parties are happy and our nation can move on, refreshed and confident that we got it right.

Unrelated, The Grover Picks is proud to announce that this here blog you are reading was recently recognized as the winner of the 1986 Pulitzer Prize for Football Blogging. Yay, us!

SOONERS V WOLVERINES

Why are they called the Sooners? Because the US Congress made laws about when a white settler could homestead free land in Oklahoma and chose April 22, 1889. Those who cheated the rules and claimed land before the actual start of the free giveaway are called ‘Sooners’. After a time, and many court battles, the state and the University chose to honor these inspired cheaters. They were just freedom loving Americans whose right to steal someone else’s land at a time and place of their own choosing was infringed upon by the rules of fair competition setup by the Government. The Sooners were out to win. And that is a true story about either Western Expansion or college football. You decide.

Semi-related: Michigan are considering changing their name from “Wolverines” to “Laters” based on their next-level time keeping skills and similar disregard for rules.

Neither Oklahoma (3-6-1) nor Michigan (5-4) has claimed the 1960 National Championship, yet.

OLE MISS V CHARLOTTE

You know a state that loves and benefits from judicial oversight? Mississippi! Especially the “Ole” Mississippi referenced in the nickname. Mississippians do have a history of loving the local judges. It’s never been clear how they feel about the federal judges. Don’t Google it.

Anyway, the Rebels got their quarterback back thanks to a local judge. According to none other than the conservative New York Times, “Chancery Judge Robert Whitwell ruled that the NCAA acted in bad faith and ignored medical evidence when denying Chambliss a medical redshirt waiver for time missed due to respiratory issues at Ferris State “

Will Trinidad Chambliss have enough left in the ‘tank’ to take on the Charlotte 49ers after last weekend’s last minute win over Louisville?

The Commissioner has a graduate degree from UNC- Charlotte and, in full transparency, has a 27 year history as a check-writing member of the booster club (for basketball mostly). So, The Commissioner can reliably tell you that Chambliss could beat this Charlotte 49er football team even if he had an appendectomy on Friday, played the game drunk, and was required to hold two toddlers in his arms on any and every 3rd down.

UNC Charlotte did not exist in 1960 and has not claimed the 1960 National Championship, yet, but, as reported earlier here, Ole Miss is the 1960 National Champion.

VOLUNTEERS v YELLOW JACKETS

The Bobby Dodd Bowl

Do you know why Knoxville is a 24/7 fully functioning electrified city instead of a dark backwater town like Tallahassee? The US Congress!

The Congress and the President, working together as a functioning government, created the Tennessee Valley Authority (TVA) to mitigate flooding and create huge amounts of electricity that was then used to invent nuclear power and light Neyland Stadium. Thank you, Congress!

None of that power is required this Saturday. The game is played in Bobby Dodd Stadium on the Georgia Tech Campus. Bobby Dodd is both the all-time winningest coach at Georgia Tech AND an All-America quarterback/tailback/punter who went 27-2-1 playing for General Neyland at Tennessee.

Should be a happy, fun reunion if the ACC school can keep the lights on.

Neither Tennessee (6-2-2) nor Georgia Tech (5-5) has claimed the 1960 National Championship, yet, but both of these SEC schools, at the time, were ranked in the Top 10 at one point in the season by the AP.

BUCKEYES v LONGHORNS

In which we settle, once and for all time, if the SEC or the Big10 is the best conference.

This is game is why we watch. It’s got two teams each grounded in higher education and simultaneously valued at $1.5 billion American dollars… each.

There is a 2,100 pound longhorn steer in one end zone.

The Texas spirit squad will fire a fully authentic and very loud canon at least 12 times, not including after every Texas score.

A Manning will play and this Manning is historically and currently not as good as the Ohio State quarterback. Just Sayin’. Could change.

The key to the game is figuring out if United States Senator Ted Cruz, R, Texas is attending the game. Cruz is a graduate of Princeton and Harvard, so he has no official attachment to any Texas schools either culturally or intellectually. His appearance at important games in support of Texas A&M, Texas Tech, the Houston Astro, the Houston Cougars, and the Texas Longhorns have all been linked to losses by the Texas teams.

Cruz is a sponsor of the Protect College Sports Act. Hopefully his support will doom that, too.

Meanwhile, if he shows up in Austin supporting the burnt orange on Saturday, and the Longhorns lose, Cruz will likely lost his Senate seat in his next election. However, he could also use same outcome to win the Ohio Republican primary in 2028. So as long as somebody else loses, Ted Cruz wins.

Neither Ohio State (7-2) nor Texas (7-3-1) has claimed the 1960 National Championship, yet.

HAWKEYS v CYCLONES

Cyhawk Trophy Game

This seasons fight for the Cyhawk Trophy is a huge battle between two of the nation’s punters.

Any game that includes Iowa is about punting. If each team runs about 60 plays per game, you can expect roughly 20 of them to be punts. Iowans invented the punt as offensive weapon.

Iowa is likely to feature D3 2nd Team All-American Simpson College transfer Tanner Philpott. He led the American Rivers Conference in punting average last season, which is certainly something you never did.

Iowa State is trusting Iowa Western Community College transfer Jonah DuPont to flip the field over and over and over and over and over and over until Iowa finally commits a safety.

Somebody named it football, and Iowans understood the assignment.

Iowa State (7-3) has not claimed the 1960 National Championship, yet. Iowa is the 1960 National Champion.

CRIMSON TIDE v WILDCATS

The Bear Bryant Bowl

Kentucky has won exactly TWO games against Alabama since the Bolshevik Revolution. The Tide are 39-2-1 against the Wildcats.

Kentucky won 6-0 in 1922.
Kentucky won 40-34 in 1997.

On 39 other occasions, Bama Bama’d. This year is different. Kentucky has a new coach name Will Stein. Don’t confuse him with North Carolina Governor Josh Stein, or Green Party leader Jill Stein, or Actor and political commentator Ben Stein, or Einstein. None of them can coach like Will Stein.

Will Stein is a Kentucky native and a Dan Lanning Disciple. He is a fresh-faced offensive genius of the moment. Stein is currently just 83 wins shy of becoming the winningest coach in Kentucky history. Bear Bryant is the second winningest coach in program history and he left 70 years ago. He’s still got the highest winning percentage in program history.

Eventually-To-Be-Fired Alabama Head Coach Kalen DeBoer is just 222 wins short of Bear Bryant’s all-time Alabama wins record.

Pour yourself a bourbon, straight, take a few puffs on an unfiltered Chesterfield, prop an ugly hat on your head, lean back with your boots on the desk, close your eyes revel in the knowledge that Bear Bryant would win this game today, regardless of which team he coached, if only the stupid scientists would figure out something useful, like how to reanimate him. Then do Elvis next.

Alabama (8-1-2) has definitely tried to claim the 1960 National Championship even thought they finished third in the SEC behind National Champion Ole Miss and 2nd place Florida (9-2). The matter is pending in a Calhoun County Court. Kentucky (5-4-1) has not claimed the 1960 National Championship, yet.

SCARLET KNIGHTS v EAGLES

Based on previous week’s performances, I’d be in favor of the US Congress creating a law that bans these two schools from ever playing football on a TV broadcast on any day of the week, which the proposed Save College Sports Act may in fact do.

EXCEPT… this game is on 9/11 and both schools created remarkable ways to honor their connection to alumni killed in the attack.

The Scarlet Knights will wear scarlet jerseys and pants with “NEVER FORGET” striped down the leg, paired with white helmets bearing a red-white-and-blue “37” decal. The 37 represents the 37 Rutgers alumni killed that day.

The Eagles will wear their annual “Red Bandana Game” uniforms — white jerseys with a red bandana design on the sleeves and “For Welles” on every player’s nameplate — honoring 1999 grad Welles Crowther, the “Man in the Red Bandana.” Crowther, an equities trader and volunteer firefighter, used a bandana to cover his face against the smoke and is credited with saving nearly 20 people on the South Tower’s 78th floor before dying in the collapse. BC has run this tribute as an annual tradition since 2014.

Neither Rutgers (8-1) nor Boston College (3-6-1) has claimed the 1960 National Championship, yet. Rutgers’ two point loss at home to Villanova likely cost them a claim.

PROFESSIONAL PROFESSIONAL FOOTBALL

PATRIOTS v SEAHAWKS

Super Rematch

Sam the Lego-man Darnold remains the starting quarterback for the Super Bowl Champions against the team they already beat this year, New England.

The NFL loves these first game rematches and it is a great chance for Patriot fans to imagine they can get revenge for losing the Super Bowl in a week one game with nothing at stake. The Commissioner looks at the game as 3 hours of reminding Patriots fans that they lost the Super Bowl and that is joyous.

Pre-Game Concert: Luke Bryan sings original songs about trucks, chicks, hunting, fishing, and the effects of late-stage feminism on the price of chaw.

National Anthem performed on guitar ( I assume) by Pearl Jam guitarist Mike McCready, who is not known for singing, but maybe he will sing. Can he sing? Can he sing the anthem? Will he dress patriotically, or in a rock’n’roll way? Will he complete the anthem in under 90 seconds as The Commissioner requires?

Halftime Concert by reunited Soundgarden, singing about black holes and spoons, man. Famous frontman Chris Cornell is no longer available due to his death in 2017, but if you know what the ‘Seattle Sound’ is then this probably rocks.

FORTY-NINERS v RAMS

Melbourne, Australia

This game streams on Netflix, which is not a broadcast network. To boost viewership among key demos, the halftime performance features not one, not two, but all three Jonas Brothers. Apparently the NFL and Netflix don’t realize that Natalie Imbruglia, Air Supply, Wolfmother, Men at Work, INXS, remaining Bee Gees, and Midnight Oil exist (or ‘existed’, I’m not looking up the status of these performers for you. You’ve got internet. Follow your own rabbit hole.)

(“Follow Your Own Rabbit Hole” sounds insulting and gross. It is not meant that way. Whatever you and your rabbit hole do on your own time is between you and your rabbit hole. The Commissioner passes no judgement.)

I know you expected that list to include AC/DC, but they are in St. Louis, MO this week, which is an NFL-free city and not subject to consideration.

As part of the previously discussed 1961 Sports Broadcasting Act, the NFL received limited anti-trust exemption for the expressed and narrow purpose of allowing the owners permission to pool broadcast rights for sale to national broadcast networks, of which, in 1961 there were exactly three big ones and two little ones:

NBC: National Broadcasting Company, #1 rated show was Wagon Train
CBS: Columbia Broadcasting System, #1 rated show was Gunsmoke.
ABC: American Broadcasting Company, #1 rated show was The Real McCoys
HTN: Hughes Television Network, a part-time sports network, occasional bowling broadcasts
NET: National Educational Television, public TV before PBS, still exists!

Does the 1961 anti-trust exemption carry over if teams play in Australia?
Thanks to very recent developments on Truth Social, Yes! All American laws and customs are now also the laws and customs of Australia. Congratulations!

”You Don’t Live in Cleveland!”

BUCCANEERS v BENGALS

The Sam Wyche Bowl

Sam Wyche coached the Bengals to a Super Bowl loss with the Cincinnati Bengals in 1989. He also coached the Tampa Bay Buccaneers to 23 wins over 4 seasons. To be fair, that was back when the creamsicle was the every Sunday uniform, not the cool alternative it is today.

Wyche grew up in North Fulton, Georgia and played quarterback at Furman. In the NFL, he served as a place-kick holder for the Bengals, Redskins, Lions, Cardinals and Bills. He started coaching quarterbacks at the University of South Carolina and helped the San Francisco Forty Niners win the Super Bowl XVI as an assistant to Bill Walsh, who is very famous.

He left the Niners to become head coach of the Indiana Hoosiers in a season in which IU went a traditional 3-8, long before they became the National Champion Hoosiers they are today.

What does a coach do after one losing season at Indiana?

If you are Sam Wyche, you accept the head coaching job with the Cincinnati Bengals without ever considering why an NFL team would hire a coach with one losing college season as his previous head coaching experience.

Bengals gonna Bengal.

Wyche is fondly remembered for grabbing a microphone during a Bengals home game against the Browns in which fans were pelting the players with rocks and garbage disguised as snowballs. He yelled over the PA, “You don’t live in Cleveland, you live in Cincinnati!” and no lies were told.

This week, Quarterback Baker Mayfield signed the largest contract in the history of the Tampa Bay Buccaneers. Last season, Mayfield was, according to statistics, the league-leader in “Turnover Worthy Plays” (TWP). The Bengals counter with likely-to-be-injured-any-minute-by-Reuben-Bain QB Joe Burrow.

Fun Fact: The Bengals brand their opening home game as “Open in Orange” and will wear orange helmets, orange jerseys, and orange pants.

They may not live in Cleveland, but they do look like a bunch of athletic carrots.

COWBOYS v GIANTS

The Cowboys lead the all-time series between these two ‘rivals’ 78-47. Maybe Grover Picker NYFAN thought it would be closer, but, for good or ill, Dallas dominates this matchup.

Here is what nobody else will tell you about this game. It’s all about turnovers. These are the players with the most fumbles in each franchise’s history.

Dallas Cowboys:

Tony Dorsett – 84
Don Meredith – 71
Danny White – 68
Dak Prescott – 66
Tony Romo – 62
Troy Aikman / Emmitt Smith / Roger Staubach – 58 / 55 / 55

New York Giants:

Eli Manning – 125
Phil Simms – 93
Kerry Collins – 61
Charlie Conerly – 54
Tiki Barber – 53
Daniel Jones – 50

You could be watching history anytime the Cowboys play this season as Dak moves up the chart. He’s just two away from tying Danny White. Dak averages 8 fumbles per season, so by the time the Cowboys miss the playoffs again, he should be second in Cowboys history with a good shot at passing Tony Dorsett in 2027.

Happy Picking,

Vote for The Commissioner

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Grover Picks Bonus Rambling:

What Do We Think About the Protect College Sports Act:

A reasonable question deserves an answer, so let’s get this out of the way and move on, shall we?

BS

Our college football romance is troubled. A malaise creeps outside the field lines as all humanity grapples with the biggest revelation of the 21st century, so far, which is: College Football is and always has been a quasi/semi/outright professional sport.

We, all humanity, for roughly 145 years, have mythologized the school-boy game like it is still an 18th Century extra-curricular activity

Turns out, and there was no way for anybody to recognize it before, but the entire institutional enterprise of amateur college athletics has evolved into an anti-capitalist, anti-American, anti-employee, anti-educational grift by wealthy, tubby dudes in loud sport coats.

1. The people who have controlled college sports forever want someone else to force them to follow rules, even though they have the freedom and capacity to make their own rules, because they can’t follow their own rules because of the money.
2. The request to Congress is to make new laws that allow college athletics to ignore existing anti-trust and employment laws. Those laws are for other people and this is football.
3. “The powers not delegated to the United States by the Constitution, nor prohibited by it to the States, are reserved to the States respectively, or to the people.” is a phrase that keeps interfering with the money. Can’t have these states out here making their own rules on these when player eligibility for the Jiffy Lube Bowl is on the line.
4. The people who have made all the money from ‘amateur’ athletes don’t want to stop making the same or more money for themselves.
5. Athletes are not required to take a full-time student class load in-season because the education interferes with practice and travel. So, we’ll ‘pay’ you with an education, but you don’t have to go to class, but do not miss practice.

Allegedly influential people, like Nick Saban, will tell you the only solution to the self-made ‘chaos’ of college sports is for the United States Government, a group that cannot agree about what the term ‘War’ means or if the food is safe, or how to name buildings or protect permanent natural resources it controls, is the only single hope to save college sports.

THE COMMISSIONER’S VERDICT

1. DO NOT TAKE ADVICE FROM ANYONE WHO WAS THE HIGHEST PAID STATE EMPLOYEE IF HE/SHE WAS A FOOTBALL COACH! That person does not have your best interest in mind. That person culturally required to protect coach’s salaries, the status quo, and the anti-competitive elements of big time football so as to advantage their friends.
2. None of these people actually like fair competition. They are charged to always find an advantage so their side wins, on or off the field. The Free Market definitionally has losers and you don’t get to choose them before the games are played, that’s why the market is free. The Protect College Sports Act is designed to protect about 30 schools with no regard for anyone else.
3. Employee contracts are well-worn ground in America. College sports should try it.
4. Labor unions form due to bad management. College sports seems like a huge opportunity for all the good and bad that ‘organized’ labor offers.
5. The Protect College Sports act creates a salary cap that is not collectively bargained, but only for the athletes. Coaches and administrators can still make whatever the ‘market’ will pay. I’m not a lawyer, but I have a couple AI search engines and I’m confident even I could get that struck down in court.
6. “The olympic and non-revenue sports will die!” You want to make sure every other college sport – olympic sports, baseball, basketball, men’s and women’s anything – survives? Then your school can decide to fund those sports or not.
7. “But the players have unfettered free-agency and it’s not as much fun for fans.” – refer back to #3 and also, the fans have never had standing in court or the negotiating room when it comes to the money of sport. We have no legal standing now. We are observers, not participants.

To summarize The Commissioner’s Opinion of the Save College Sports Act:

IT SUCKS.

Whew. Glad that’s over. Thank you for reading. I will not be taking questions.