Good Day Grove Pickers,

We can stop numbering the weeks now. We can name them.

Some will call this ‘Championship Week’ due to the college conference championships, but The Commissioner prefers “Reset Week”. It’s a time we can update our expectations for the season.

In Memoriam

I can’t believe we are still having to do this, but The Commissioner doesn’t shape the world, he makes sense of it.

Bahamas Bowl

Fair warning. On Sunday afternoon we’ll learn which teams will play in which bowl games. Annually, we have celebrated the two teams that miss out on going to Detroit for a bowl game and instead get to travel to the Bahamas for the Bahamas Bowl. It’s a clear victory for both teams. However, the Bahamas Bowl recently died and just this week was moved to Frisco, Texas. Frisco is the Detroit of Texas. Take the weekend to absorb this terrible news.

Florida State Football

1947-2023

Pro

3 National Championships (1 mythical, 2 BCS)
14 Straight Seasons finishing Top 5 1987-2000

Con

There are two roads to irrelevance. There is the long, slow decline, like Sears, or there is the sudden demise of Tony Soprano at the end of the TV series. Since completing the 2023 season undefeated and winning the ACC Championship Game 16-6 over Louisville, FSU is Tony Soprano.

Excluded from the 2023 playoff due to a quarterback injury, the Seminoles barely participated in the Orange Bowl, losing to UGA 63-3.
Following that undefeated regular season, FSU won just two games in 2024, beating Cal and Charleston Southern
On the rebound in 2025, there was hope with major wins over powerhouse programs including Alabama, East Texas A&M and Kent State, followed by the enduring new reality of loss after loss, including a second consecutive loss to rival Florida, a team that fired its coach due to failing.
The petulant FSU leadership sued the ACC in an attempt to leave the conference. The Seminoles argued that their brand is equivalent to the University of Texas relative to the old Southwest Conference: More important by degrees than anyone else.
FSU floated the idea of joining the SEC, thinking the most ambitious and greedy conference would jump at the opportunity to add a crown jewel. The SEC refused.
FSU boosters and board members sought cash from Sovereign Wealth Funds with histories of murder and anti-American activity.
FSU boosters and board members sought money from private equity funds with histories of never adding value to their investments.
FSU can’t fire their coach because they cannot afford the buyout. They are poor.
FSU remains in the ACC.
FSU is ineligible for a bowl game, again.
FSU remains based in Tallahassee, a remote, bug-infested, colony of misguided, arrogant, lame brained buffoons bound by irrelevance, desperate and doomed.

Verdict: Florida State is The America Online Dial-Up Service of college football.

Penn State Football

1887-2025

Pro

This time last year Penn State was the 6th seed in the College Playoff. The Nittany Lions won TWO playoff games and were just a field goal away from playing in the National Championship game!

It appears they have rid themselves of generations of supporting child molesters.

Con

After going 34-8 over four seasons, Penn State fired James Franklin on October 12, 54 days ago, and still has not hired a new head football coach.

In the last 54 days, 17 schools have hired new head football coaches. Even LSU, without an AD and with a meddling governor, made a decision.

Signing Day for new recruits was earlier this week. According to 247 Sports, a business based entirely on recruiting evaluations and rankings, Penn State’s new football class ranks #155 in D1. There are only 136 FBS schools.

Penn State, a Big10 Team that receives north of $63 million in football revenue just from the conference each season, currently has a recruiting class that is objectively less talented than the classes recruited by Central Arkansas, West Georgia, and Utah Tech.

Verdict: Yikes.

Ole Miss Football

2020-2025

Pro

Just completed the most successful regular season in school history.

Likely to appear in the playoff this season.

Not Mississippi State.

Con

It’s still Ole Miss. The departure of Lane Kiffin confirms Ole Miss fans’ self-perception as a program that will occasionally be good, but is not a program that is ever likely to win an SEC or National Championship. Hug that Egg Bowl Trophy and keep it close.

Verdict: The best days are behind you.

Here’s a 2011 Hallmark Movie to make you feel better. It’s called “A Christmas Wish”. The longline describes it this way: “Abandoned by her husband a few days before Christmas, Martha Evans travels cross-country with the kids in search of work.“

Professional Amateur Football:Conference Championships

Because College Football is the second greatest professional sport among the freedom loving nations, the entire history and future of everything, but mostly the 2025 College Playoff, depends on:

A game that involves to coaches who have already resigned to take jobs at bigger schools.
5 loss Duke Football
Undefeated Indiana Football
Historically Expensive Texas Tech Football

So, everything is normal.

The Billy Napier Welcome Ceremony

Sunbelt Championship

James Madison v Troy

James Madison will likely win the Sunbelt, by a lot, and lay claim to a playoff spot. Some will argue the Dukes are more deserving of the 12 spot than Miami, Notre Dame, BYU, Texas, Vanderbilt or Alabama after the Tide lose to Georgia. We call these people “Fools”.

Mr. and Mr. Irrelevant Bowl

American Athletic Conference Championship

North Texas v Tulane

The head coach of Oklahoma State will face the head coach of the Florida Gators. The winner will argue it deserves the 12th playoff spot over James Madison and also Miami, Notre Dame, BYU, Texas, Vanderbilt or Alabama after the Tide lose to Georgia. We call these fools, “College Football Playoff Selection Committee”.

The Problem With College Football Bowl

ACC Championship

Virginia v Duke

A prime-time showdown between a team with 5 loss team (Duke) and a team that lost a non-conference game to fellow ACC member NC State (Virginia), for the right to insist on a place in the college football playoff.

Years from now, drunk historians on barstools across America will recall this game as the moment we as a nation decided to abolish all conferences and choose playoff teams using AI algorithms. By then we still won’t understand what an AI algorithm is or how it works, but it’s the best way to avoid ever again having to discuss Duke football as a relevant football force.

Pablo Torre Finds Out Bowl

Big 10 Championship

Ohio State v Indiana

Podcast sports journalist Pablo Torre has built a brand around finding out embarrassing facts about public figures and revealing those facts in fun ways.

Here, we find out if Indiana, an historic doormat of a football program but which also has the most impressive road win against a ranked team this season (30-20 over Oregon), is actually the greatest juggernaut on the planet, or, if Ohio State, the best program in the land with exactly zero meaningful wins this season, is still the King of All Football.

The most embarrassing, and therefore likely, scenario is thus: Indiana blows out Ohio State on Saturday night. The Buckeyes threaten to fire Ryan Day. Indiana, the number one seed in the playoff, loses its playoff game to Curt Cignetti’s former team, James Madison. Ohio State rally’s to win its second consecutive the National Championship. Ryan Day starts next season on the hot seat.

Most predictable outcome ever. No sports journalism required.

New World Order Bowl

Big 12 Championship

Texas Tech v BYU

The Red Raiders reportedly spent nearly $40million on this roster including school payments and NIL. The school’s goal, or, more accurately, the goal of a single billionaire booster, the Texas Tech Board of Regents Chairman Cody Campbell, is to make Lubbock the center of the football universe.

Lubbock is more estranged from normal society than even Tallahassee. In order to be the center of a universe, you have to be in a functioning universe to begin with. Check a map. Lubbock is the center of “Potential Alien Spaceship Landing Zones”.

And yet… here are the Red Raiders, securely in the playoff picture and the poster-school for a new world order that favors money and gall over tradition, and revolution over the institutions.

Meanwhile, back in Provo, no less an authority than Heisman Trophy winning QB RGIII says this week that leaving BYU out of the playoff, even if they lose this game, is anti-Christian bias.

Does he have a point if Notre Dame is left out, too, and the Blue Devils are allowed in?

No. RGIII is an unserious football observer. I’m not even sure whey we mention him in a serious football blog such as this. I apologize for wasting your time reading that last two paragraphs.

A Game of Flaws

SEC Championship

Alabama v Georgia

I’m sure it will be fun to watch. There may be some consequence for the playoff if UGA wins by a lot. However, I can’t help feeling like I wouldn’t miss anything if instead of watching this I spent those hours raking leaves or replacing the faceplates on all the electrical outlets in the house.

Professional Amateur Football: The Proper Playoff Lineup

It’s not hard to determine a champion, but a champion is not the point.
Money is the point.

The basic formula we’ve agreed on is that we need a few ‘Champions’ in the mix plus a few “Wild Cards”, which are teams that either confirm our collective wisdom about who we think should be good, or, are good underdog stories.

Here are some ways to arrange a playoff:

You have 136 FBS teams. They play a season until there is only one undefeated team left. That team is the champion. Easy. Season could end by early October.
Divide the 136 teams into ‘Conferences”. Take the champion of each conference, however the conferences decide to determine that, and then have each champion play each other until there is one undefeated team left. You could have as many as 68 2-team conferences. Let’s do it!
Or, the best way to setup a playoff is to entreat your Commissioner, THE Commissioner, to select the teams based on his unique and infallible system of metrics and vibes.

I accept your invitation. Here is the 8 team playoff bracket for this season:

Round 1 – Texas Death Match

1-Seed Texas Longhorns- Pre-season #1. Proof we weren’t wrong to rank them before the season. Proof Arch Manning is the unicorn we were promised. Facts are for computers and computers are stupid, so Texas is #1, still. Champions of the “Because We’re Texas” Conference.
VS

8-Seed Texas Tech Red Raiders- Paid the fee, gets to ride the rides. Champion of the “The Checks All Cleared” Conference.

Round 1 – We Want What We Want Bowl

2-Seed Ohio State Buckeyes- Traditional blue-blood. The defending national champion gets an automatic bid. The Champion of “If You Wanna Be The Man, You Gotta Beat the Man, and Everybody Knows, OSU is the Man! Whooooaa!” Conference.
VS

7-Seed LSU Tigers- We choose the best teams people want to see. Apparently, we want to see Lane Kiffin. Champions of the “HA, HA, We Got Lane” Conference.

Round 1 – Underdog Super Bowl

3- Seed Vanderbilt Commodores- Fresh. New. Nashville. Champions of the “Everyone Thought We Were Merely Ohio State Backup Players” Conference.
VS

6- Seed Ohio State Buckeyes Backup Players– The second most talented team in America and hungry for action. Champions of the “Ohio State Spring Game”

Round 1 – The Last Hurrah

An important sounding game that is really just a chance to say goodbye to these two antique store rejects. We’ll never see them in this playoff again, but we can watch them embarrass themselves one more time.

4-Seed Penn State Nittany Lions– Iconic. Coachless. Wealthy. The Lions are on a 3-game winning streak. Champions of the “We Are… Screwed” Conference.
VS

5-Seed Florida State Seminoles- Undisciplined, fast, and poor. Casuals will tune in, and be grossed out. Champions and beneficiaries of the “Make-a-Wish Conference”.

Teams Relegated to the Professional Amateur Football NIT Tournament:

Oregon Ducks– Great uniforms. Lots of sponsor dollars. Far away. Don’t care.
Indiana Hoosiers– Not interesting. Not famous. James Madison in Big10 Uniforms.
Georgia Bulldogs- Not as good as they were. Bored with them.
Ole Miss- Never heard of your new coach.
Texas A&M- Another team from Texas that isn’t Texas.
Oklahoma– Another team from Texas that isn’t Texas.
Alabama- It’s more fun when Bama fans are mad. The Tide missing the playoff should entertain the rest of us.
Notre Dame- Couldn’t beat Miami, and head-to-head should mean something.
BYU- Maybe if you were Colorado, we’d consider it, but we already have an off-brand Big12 team.
Miami- couldn’t beat SMU, and wins over FSU and Florida don’t mean what they used to.
James Madison- Be serious. We know you are the third school from Virginia, at best, and we don’t recognize Virginia as a football state.

Professional Professional Football: NFL Reset

Currently, the top teams in the NFL are:

Chicago Bears, despite their quarterback
New England Patriots, due to their quarterback

Teams currently NOT in the playoffs:

Kansas City Chiefs, despite their quarterback
Detroit Lions, due to ineffective knee-cap biting

Sure, that makes sense.

Do Not Watch List:

Titans v Browns
Browns defense versus a rookie QB is not something that should be televised.

Watch If You Need To Punish Yourself For Your Sins

I’d be very interested to learn what you did that was so bad you were forced to endure these games:

Commanders v Vikings
The Vikings leading passer is Carson Wentz. Both QB Max Brosmer and JJ McCarthy would have higher QB ratings if they simply spiked the ball on each passing play. That is a real math fact, not something I’m making up.

Steelers v Ravens
A sumo match between overweight 70-year-olds.

Colts v Jaguars
Frauds. Everywhere. At least one is a playoff fraud, but frauds nonetheless.

Watch If You Like Overwhelming Force

Seahawks v Falcons
The Seahawks defense is a wood chipper. The Falcons are a construction site ready to be cleared.

Watch If You Are Open to New Ideas

Bears v Packers
One of these teams is the eventual NFC North Champion. They might be good. Will you entertain the possibility?

Watch if You Enjoy The Desperation of Others

Eagles v Chargers
Two 8-4 teams heading in the wrong direction. The team with the quarterback who had surgery on his broken hand 5 days ago, the Chargers, may be better off than the team with the perfectly healthy quarterback who only throws 2 yard passes.

Happy Picking,

The Commissioner