Good Day Grover Pickers,
Do you love football more than food, or, do you love food more than football?
Great news! This week, you don’t have to parse your love. Football and food are betrothed, again, like a living, breathing Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup- You got your football in my food! You got my food in your football!
Here’s how it works:
Every October, The State Fair of Texas, located just outside of downtown Dallas, does three exceptional things.
- The Fair debuts the world’s newest, tastiest, deadliest culinary abominations served from a series of food trucks arrayed on a dusty parking lot between a goat pen and a tilt-a-whirl that last passed a safety test in 1983.
- The legendary Cotton Bowl stadium is the centerpiece of the fairgrounds. It hosts TWO football games during the fair. The first is a 100 year-old rivalry, called the “State Fair Classic”, between the Grambling State University Tigers and the Prairie View A&M Panthers. They played last Saturday with Prairie View winning 28-13.
- The Second game is the Red River Shootout, now called the Red River Rivalry, between the University of Oklahoma and the University of Texas. This year is the 121st meeting between the schools. The game has been part of the State Fair of Texas every season since 1934.
- BONUS- the Fair also hosts an alternative football event with a round ball pitting Dallas Trinity FC vs Club America Femenil.
How can we be sure this is the most important event of the football weekend?
T-Shirts
There are custom t-shirts! Both commemorative State Fair of Texas Fair Food Shirts are SOLD OUT! in every size, from Medium to 4XL, but you can get the SMALL for just $9.95.
If you are a food t-shirt and you are not sold out of size 4XL are you really even a shirt?
Cookbook
The State Fair of Texas Cookbook 2025 edition is SOLD OUT! This is an essential resource for any football fan who can’t quite figure out the nuance of a finely fried ‘Breakfast on a Stick’ without a recipe.
Music – QUIZ!
“If you want to play in Texas, you gotta have a fiddle in the band.”
Alabama
The live music at the State Fair of Texas is decidedly and appropriately a mashup of all forms of country music including:
Bro Country
Mexican Country
Outlaw Country
Country Soul
Cowpunk
Country Rock
Country Pop
Rockabilly
Red Dirt
Western Swing
Progressive Country
Christian Country
The Village People
The Commissioner suggests you could cover the whole Food/Fair angle with just two bands- Meatloaf and Food Fighters. The organizers went a different direction.
Quarterback or Musician?
The list below includes names that are either actual musicians appearing at the State Fair of Texas in 2025 OR quarterbacks from Texas/Oklahoma. Put a check next to all the names that sound like a country-flavored musician. Put an “X” next to the names you think are quarterbacks. (Answers at the end of the blog post).
- Blake Bell
- Bobby Layne
- Brothers Doobie
- Cale Gundy
- Casey Thompson
- Chance Mock
- Darrel Royal
- David Hodo
- Duke Carlisle
- Fat Daddy
- J.C. Watts
- Jesse Spradlin
- Jimmy Harris
- Joshua Ray Walker
- Kaitlin Butts
- Kat Hasty
- La Furia Del Bravo
- Los Texmaniacs
- Marty Akins
- Metalachi
- Monte Deer
- Randy Jones
- Ray Simpson
- Rhett Bomar
- Spencer Rattler
- Todd Dodge
- Victor Willis
- Village People
- Wade Bowen
- Walker Lukens
- Willow Avalon
Tradition
Any state fair or any football program is full of tradition. The State Fair of Texas is no exception, it’s just BIGGER! **
The State Fair of Texas is the world center for Butter Sculpting, Truck Shows, Ferris Wheels, Carnival Towers, Livestock and Rodeo.
So many rodeos at one fair!
- Big Tex Rodeo Series Finals
- Youth Rodeo
- Mexican Rodeo Fiesta
- Ranch Rodeo
- Cowboys of Color Rodeo
- United Professional Rodeo Association World Finals
**(The Commissioner cannot confirm if anything at the State Fair of Texas is factually ‘bigger’ than similar events in other locations, however, The Society for Texas Justice and Retribution REQUIRES The Commissioner to include the term ‘Bigger’ when describing Texas under penalty of Texas-style payback when you least expect it. )
That’s Cute, But We Are Here for Food and Football
Should anyone be concerned that a number of these new foods include a ‘Secret and/or Mysterious Ingredient’?
I’m sure it’s fine.
CAJUN STUFFED SEASHELLS- Beignets, after Texans ruins them.
Described as “a trip to New Orleans while breathing in the fresh air of fried food at the State Fair of Texas.”
Ingredients:
Jumbo pasta shells, shrimp, andouille sausage, secret sauce, rice, cheese, and cornbread stuffing. Served with Cajun Alfredo dipping sauce.
Relation to Football:
LSU v USC (SEC Version)
“Fresh air of fried food” is a clear reference to LSU’s corn dog affliction. Every LSU head football coach since Charles Coates in 1893 through Biff Jones, Gerry Dinardo, Les Miles, Ed Orgeron and Brian Kelly has been described by a Times-Picayune writer as a ’stuffed jumbo pasta shell’. Bonus, from a distance, that tiny thing, on the USC (SEC Version) helmets looks like a fancy shrimp.
CHOCOLATE CHIP COOKIE DOUGH DIPPIN’ DOTS®- This is not the future.
Liquid nitrogen induced fake ice cream with cookie crumbs.
Ingredients: Frozen Crap Balls
Relation to Football:
Chargers v Dolphins
The Commissioner will never stop leading the movement to outlaw Dippin’ Dots. As previously reported, this textured cryogenic cow vomit concoction, a derivative of frozen animal feed, has billed itself as the “Ice Cream of the Future” since its invention in 1988. The future is NEVER coming. Keep Ice Cream Real!
Similarly, neanderthal Coach-Bro for Life Rex Ryan is starting rumors that he should replace Mike McDaniel as Dolphins head coach. Rex, that future is also NEVER coming! Go stuff yourself in your own locker and eat cow vomit.
CORNBREAD DOUGHNUT- Amish B.S. How hard is it to cut a hole in cornbread?
Ingredients:
Southern cornbread mix and classic cake batter, touch of Amish-inspired richness, choice of their signature cheesecake glaze or warm honey butter glaze, jalapeños, cheese, or crispy bacon.
Relation to Football:
Steelers v Browns
Pennsylvania and Ohio have the largest populations of Amish in the United States. That makes this game the Amish Super Bowl! Whichever team wins should mail a handwritten letter that includes the final score to the Amish. Also, if you ever needed two teams to make “Cut a Hole In Cornbread” look hard, here you go!
DECADENT DUBAI CHOCOLATE DREAM- Sports-washing, but with pistachio floss.
Ingredients:
Kataifi, rich chocolate, fresh strawberries, vanilla ice cream, whipped cream, freeze-dried strawberries, pistachio floss, gold-dusted brown butter Dubai chocolate chip cookie, marshmallow, chocolate, secret ingredients
Relation to Football:
USC v Michigan
The Big10 Conference is preparing to take on a private equity investor. The conference feels it is undervalued. It would create a new organization to take on billions in investments and split the profit 20 ways- 18 schools, plus the conference and the investors.
Where do the billions come from? It’s hard to tell specifically, and that’s one of the points of private equity. Money is green and don’t ask questions. Here are the three firms that are alleged to be the leading contenders to invest in the Big10.
Apollo Global Management– Former USC WR and Athletic Director Lynn Swann is on the Board Of Directors!
Sixty Street Partners– These folks are the majority owner in Legends Hospitality, the firm that operates the Rose Bowl, Jerry World and other stadiums. They also own part of the San Antonio Spurs, FC Barcelona, the Boston Celtics, Spotify, and lending giant Credit Suisse.
Ares Management– A collection of smart, ambitious men and women in suits and loafers who, according to their website, ‘primarily offers significant influence or control-oriented capital solutions to companies.”
It’s a decadent chocolate dream, with a gooey poison center.
UPDATE: After the original publication of this blog, ESPN reported that BIG10 may have a cash infusion deal in place with a similar structure, but a new partner that is not a private equity fund. It may be the University of California Pension Fund. See this article if you are not bored yet: https://www.espn.com/college-sports/story/_/id/46553869/big-ten-closes-private-equity-agreement-vote-per-sources
UBE RICE-CREAM CRUNCH – I thought a ‘Purple Yam’ was a basketball term
Ingredients:
sweet, vibrant ube (purple yam), muir-method puffed rice, dry salt, Cool Whip®, cherry on top
Relation to Football:
Chiefs v Lions
The Chiefs long to be ‘sweet and vibrant’, but the Lions certainly do not. The Lions are more ‘purple yam’ as in, “We will hit you so often, and so hard, you will look like a purple yam.”
Your Commissioner, The Commissioner, sent an email to Taylor Swift requesting that on her next song she describe some part of Travis Kelce’s anatomy as “muir-method puffed rice”.
DEEP FRIED CARBONARA- fried pasta, taking frying too far…
Ingredients:
Cheesy spaghetti carbonara, vat of frying oil, Guanciale (Italian Bacon), pecorino Romano DOP, rich egg yolks
Relation to Football:
Tennessee v Arkansas
How is the Arkansas football program operated? Like the human version of whatever “cheesy spaghetti carbonara” is. The Razorbacks need a new head football coach, different from the human vat of oil that is Bobby Petrino. One name that keeps surfacing is former NFL coach Jon Gruden. I’m sure he would be much better than Bill Belichick has been at UNC so far. How could he be worse?
EL CONO LOCO – Chicken spaghetti ice cream cone
Ingredients:
Creamy Tex-Mex chicken spaghetti, Hatch green chiles, queso, shredded Monterey Jack, fresh-baked garlic parmesan bread cone, Pico, cool sour cream, slice of avocado.
Relation to Football:
UGA v Auburn
There is a think line between inspired and predictably awful. For several years, UGA has taken an odd list of ingredients such as the list for El Cono Loco and made it inspired, tasty and top-notch. The avocado is fresh and the sour cream is properly cooled in Athens.
Auburn has tried the same, but the ingredients are past the ‘Best By’ date and the coach was a line cook on a food truck even the health department refused to enter.
FRIED PICKLE BOMBS – Big Pickle Must Be Stopped
Ingredients:
garbage pickel, vat of oil, aid on top a bed of Crispy Dillies® (fried cucumber), spicy ranch.
Relation to Football:
Cowboys v Panthers
The Commissioner continues to rail against Big Pickle, the pickle corporations that continue to foist a quarter-cut pickle onto a lunch plate as if it is a gift, a free bonus food, instead of the garbage it is. Stop insulting me with garbage.
And… the Panthers QB Bryce Young is the QB gherkin.
Similarly, Deep Fried Jerry Jones.
GUAC-A-RRONS – pork belly and guacamole
Ingredients:
deep-fried pork belly, generous serving of fresh guacamole, pickled red bell peppers, red onions, cilantro
Relation to Football:
Iowa v Wisconsin
Name two schools more likely to fight over deep fried pork bellies. The guac is merely a distraction.
ICED COFFEE WITH UBE MILK FOAM- light roast with purple yam foam
Ingredients:
iced coffee, in-house-made ube (purple yam) milk foam
Relation to Football:
Bucs v Niners
The Bucs keep barely winning games, which is better than losing. That’s the light roast. The Niners keep winning games with backups at every position, that’s purple yam milk. Baker Mayfield is human caffeine.
MATCHA CREAM FLOAT- ceremonial grade matcha, because Japan!
Ingredients:
classic Italian affogato, rich, velvety matcha ice cream, shot of ceremonial-grade matcha, delicate Japanese sugar cookie
Relation to Football:
Rams v. Ravens
I had to look up ‘Affogato’, I thought it was a type of cat. It’s not. The Rams are rich and velvety, mostly. The Ravens are using a ceremonial-grade defense and a delicate sugar cookie of a quarterback. None of this has anything to do with Japan, unless you consider Ravens RB Derrick Henry an island.
I also had to look up ‘ceremonial grade matcha’. It is a premium green tea powder used for… ceremonies.
NEVINS POP-ELOTES- Flamin’ Cheetos, mayo, popcorn….
Ingredients:
spicy mayo, crushed Flamin’ Hot Cheetos®, Cotija cheese, fresh cilantro, flavors of elotes, buttery carnival popcorn, lime wedge
Relation to Football:
Raiders v Titans
What a mess, the food and the football. Bonus, the Titans logo looks like a flaming cheeto.
POP ROCKS® MARGARITA- The Florida Man Special
Ingredients:
Tequila, Liqueur, lime juice, ice, fizzy Pop Rocks® (sugar, lactose, corn syrup, carbon dioxide).
Relation to Football:
Texas A&M v Florida
Blonde Haired Young Local TV Newscaster: “And finally tonight, a Florida man is celebrating a surprising win after surviving his own stupid invention. Coach Billy Napier combined tequila and pop rocks into what State Fair of Texas officials call “a nostalgic explosion in a cup”. He replaced the Gatorade on his sideline with the firework-style refresher and his Gators upset the Aggies. Florida out-burped Texas A&M 756 burps to 3! And nobody died!”
Silver Haired Old Local TV Newscaster: “Ha, Ha! Well, I guess it just goes show we didn’t have any cute doggie video to show at the end of the newscast tonight.”
RODEO ROPER PRETZEL – Another use for BBQ Sauce
Ingredients:
Pretzel, BBQ Sauce
Relation to Football:
Broncos v Jets in London, England
Doughy goodness and tasty barbecue sauce. Does anybody need this? No. Is it delicious if you eat it in another country, or in Texas? Yes. Is barbecue sauce often, but not always, a cover-up for poorly cooked barbecue? Yes. Are the Jets the football version of poorly cooked barbecue? No. Poorly cooked barbecue is still edible barbecue (see: Sonny’s). The Jets are an abomination even if they could play proper football.
RUSSELL’S KEY LIME PIE BOMBS – Pie Bombs in Pancake Batter
Ingredients:
homemade key lime pie (sugar, and butter, sweetened condensed milk, egg yolks, Key lime juice, and Key lime zest), extra graham cracker crust, crushed Nilla Wafers®, top-ranked pancake batter, vat of oil, Chantilly cream, powdered sugar, sugar-coated lime jelly candy.
Relation to Football:
USF v North Texas
Sometimes USF’s uniforms remind me of Key Lime Pie Bombs.
Sometimes North Texas’ uniforms remind me of Key Lime Pie Bombs.
TEXA-MISU – Caffeine and Sugar Slushie
Ingredients:
tiramisù (mascarpone cheese, eggs, sugar, coffee, cocoa power,) and espresso, layers of rich Quadratini® wafer cookies, creamy, frozen “cremespresso”, fluffy whipped cream, more Quadratini®
Relation to Football:
Oregon v Indiana
A titanic matchup of Top 10 teams from the Big10 featuring the two most caffeinated, sugar-hyped coaches in college football, which is a nicer thing to say than, “Hey, you two, the passion is awesome, but people are starting to wonder if this the cocaine talking!”.
VEGAN CRUNCHWRAP SUPREME – A FAIR FIRST!
Ingredients:
seasoned plant-based meat crumble, nacho cheese, chipotle aioli, lettuce, tomatoes, grilled flour tortilla
Relation to Football:
Bama v Missouri
They’ve got vegan food at the State Fair of Texas! Next thing you know Missouri’s RB Ahmad Hardy runs for 200 yards on the meat-crumble Bama defense. The Tigers defeat Bama and start talking about winning the SEC title. Kalen DeBoer sneaks away wrapped in grilled tortilla disguise.
That’s why veganism is unpopular in Alabama, but gaining ground in Texas.
”WHAT ON EARTH IS THIS?” – mysterious sauce injected, UFO shaped “food”
Ingredients:
smashed beef patty, tender chicken & steak, fresh, colorful vegetables, buttery bun, mustard, provolone, zesty chipotle mayo, fiery green chile, injected with the mysterious sauce, built to resemble a UFO.
Relation to Football:
Texas v Oklahoma
Three Rules For a Long Life:
- Don’t Gamble on Football
- Don’t Do Meth
- Don’t Eat Foods “Injected with Mysterious Sauce”
It is a VERY IMPORTANT DISTINCTION between “Mystery Sauce” and “Mysterious Sauce”. One sounds like something fun the professionally trained chef made and it’s delicious and deceptively simple (probably salt and sugar). The other, the ‘Mysterious Sauce’, is the leading clue in the officer’s report about the mass cult murder at a ranch.
Bonus Rule For a Long Life:
If the cook names it “What on Earth Is This”, do not eat it, don’t even give it to your kid sister/brother.
In football, ‘Mystery Sauce’ is what we consider ‘Culture’.
At Texas, after losing a few games, there are questions about the ‘Culture’.
“Probably wouldn’t be fair to these guys to say, you know, our culture is perfect right now,” Sarkisian said Monday.
Oops! Sounds like the Longhorns may have injected ‘Mysterious Sauce’ instead and built the wrong culture!
Happy Picking and Enjoy Your Snacks!
The Commissioner
Quarterback or Musician? ANSWERS
Blake Bell, OU QB 2013
Bobby Layne, Texas QB 1963
Brothers Doobie, musical opposite of the Doobie Brothers
Cale Gundy, OU QB 1993
Casey Thompson, Texas QB 2021
Chance Mock, Texas QB 2003
Darrel Royal, OU QB 1949
David Hodo, Village Person, Construction
Duke Carlisle, Texas QB 1947
Fat Daddy, musical
J.C. Watts, OU QB 1980
Jesse Spradlin, musical
Jimmy Harris, OU QB 1956
Joshua Ray Walker, musical, also the name of several serial killers
Kaitlin Butts, musical
Kat Hasty, musical, is both a name and a sentence
La Furia Del Bravo, musical
Los Texmaniacs, musical
Marty Akins, Texas QB 1975
Metalachi , musical
Monte Deer, OU QB 1962
Randy Jones, Village Person, Cowboy
Ray Simpson, Village Person, Officer
Rhett Bomar, OU QB 2005
Spencer Rattler, OU QB 2021
Todd Dodge, Texas QB 1984
Victor Willis, Village Person, Officer
Village People, musical- The Cowboy is doing a LOT of work here
Wade Bowen, musical
Walker Lukens, musical
Willow Avalon , musical, good starting QB name for USA Olympic Flag Football
The Grover Picks 