Your Name Is In The Grover Picks Blog!

December 5, 2019

Later in this post I will mention every single Grover Picker by name and explain to you exactly who each and every Grove Picker is. First, I’m required to provide a minimum offering of Grover Picks branded football-like content.

The Panthers fired Ron Rivera. Today the Panthers are further from, not closer to, a Super Bowl. The next Panthers head coach will be talented and excited, but he will not be as good a head coach as Ron Rivera.

Here is all you need to know about ‘amateur school-boy’ athletics. Here is a quote from LSU quarterback Joe Burrow on why he went over to the student section after Saturday’s win against Texas A&M, his last home game at LSU: “Obviously, I don’t go to class because I only take online classes, so I don’t get to see any of those people. I just wanted to see them for the first time and thank them for coming to the games and making this the best atmosphere in the country.”

Clemson coach Dabo Sweeney keeps crying that all of us are against the Tigers and if he keeps crying, all of us will be. Dabo is getting dumber, and more annoying, each time the sun rises. 

LSU needs to beat Georgia before the Dawgs accidentally get in the playoff where they would be crushed by Ohio State and embarrass the entire SEC.

When will Auburn stop being so unfair to the Tide? First the Tigers force Alabama to actually play in Jordan Hare Stadium, then they start running clever plays that expose the ill-prepared Nick Saban. The Tigers are a bunch of meanies.

America needs Jalen Hurts in the college playoff while Alabama watches from home.

This coming Sunday between 3:30 and 4:30, make sure you’ve got your RedZone channel working. Should be some fun endings to the 1pm games sending you into Patriots v Chiefs in the 4pm national window. Oh, wait! That’s on CBS so all of you in Chattanooga are stuck with Titans v Raiders. Too bad.

Now, by popular demand, The Commissioner presents the 2019 “Meet Your Grover Picker Roster” list, the most accurate and reliable source for inside information about all your favorite contestants.

87PROGRAM 1HEART– Chattanooga’s favorite money man. One week on the Middle Tennessee varsity and he thinks he’s an all-knowing football super genius. 

AKEIGER– Hardcore Tar Heel fan, a former umpire and referee competing in a contest where we constantly reference ’sight’, ‘vision, and ’wisdom’. Ironic? 

AKWEAV- A Missouri Tiger filled with unmitigated hate for Kansas, which is like harboring unmitigated hate for butterflies. Is it worth the energy?  

ALL ABOUT THE U – the most accurate moniker for any Grover Picker. Sat in the rain last week to watch the Hurricanes lose to Duke. Needs a life upgrade.

ATUCKER- not just a Tucker, THE Tucker

AZARTHEGREAT– Fearsome chieftain of a modern Mesopotamian warrior clan

BRIANS1840– owns a collection of Boy Scout patches that feature the Gator logo. They are the most beautiful and valuable Boy Scout patches in existence.

BWAHL729– a great marketer with a distinctive handle that is a constant reminder to all— The Commissioner’s birthday is on July 29. Every year.  

CASHNIN– newlywed with questionable decision skills

CATDADDY TARHEEL– a basketball fan stuck in a football contest

CHATTABABY– the favorite wife of 87PROGRAM 1HEART. Possibly a Vol fan, could also just be a huge fan Holland soccer. Tough to distinguish between those oranges.

COMMIT TO THE G- such a misleading screen name. He WAS so committed to the G that every article of clothing he owned had a Georgia logo, but since his son became a Clemson Tiger, now he flies and drives over 600 miles to wear bright orange and attend every Clemson home game. Bandwagon much?

DESERTHUSKER2– code name for a 30-foot conestoga wagon sent from Omaha to explore the Indian Territories three years after the last communication from DesertHusker1. 

DREWDEFRATIES– so many Defraties in this contest and they are impossible to tell apart by email

E3RICK– This is “The Rick” of ESPN commercial fame, as far as you know.

EDHALEY– real name: Englebert Halentobinovichfargunbrandenschnitzeldorf. Works for Comcast, America’s 45,762nd most favorite company.

GATORLOOKIN’2CASHIN’– exhibit A of CASHNIN’s questionable decision making

(I hate to explain the joke, however, GATORLOOKIN’2CASHIN’ is Paul Grove and CASHNIN is Michelle, the woman he married this fall. He made a clever name to reference the wedding and then I made a joke referencing her questionable decision to marry Paul. After you stop guffawing over all this, please continue reading.)

HURRICANEJACK– One of America’s 50 best high school sophomore long snappers, but a tough upbringing as his father made him sit in the rain to watch the Canes lose to Duke.

HUSKER ZAG– younger brother of Husker Du. A public TV producer in Lincoln. Just sayin’ in case any of our other Public TV General Managers need a producer! 

JERE512– Would be terrible testifying before Congress because he recalls everything. DO NOT PLAY TRIVIAL PURSUIT AGAINST THIS CLEMSON MAN! 

JLO– what is she doing with Alex Rodriguez? 

JMPGATOR– so named because in 1978 he trained an alligator to jump 6 feet and 2 and a half inches, a world record that still stands for Gator jumpin’. 

JOSHPSTEPHENSON– UGA grad, student pastor, Arkansas resident. Two out of three ain’t bad, but this is only one out of three. 

LUKE_DAVIS– Chapel Hill undergrad who makes great guacamole and has a knack for creative user names.

MORE COWBELL– Starkville engineering student studying highway construction because if you want to get out of Mississippi, you have to build your own road. 

MXKING– Just a guy lounging around Prescott, AZ with enough time on his hands to be a very good football game picker and a BYU and UT fan

NOOGAEAGLE– A self-described “Transaction advisory consultant working in healthcare”, which sounds like something that will get you arrested

NY FAN– he means New Jersey Fan, but we understand. 

OBIEWAN75– These are not the picks you are looking for. 

PROGNOSTIG8R– The gentleman’s name is “Prophet” and he is a banker who makes eerily accurate picks. Well named, sir! Well named. 

R-FORCE– The only FSU student I’ve ever seen wear a Gator T-shirt to the Florida – Florida State game. He may be a better actor than his dad realizes. 

R_MONROE12– younger brother of MORE COWBELL, a sports management major, which, honestly, if that had been a thing 30 years ago about 70% of Grover Pickers would have done that, too. 

ROLLTUATIDE– currently a very sad Grover Picker.

RYAN P R– My name is Ryan. I do PR. 

SCOTTHIRSHMAN– A real and actual radio DJ, the kind that doesn’t wear a helmet at parties.

SHERISH95– You can take the girl out of Shaker Heights, but…. Biggest hope and dream is to meet Bernie Kosar. 

SOFT FOCUS– made documentary films about Peyton Manning, Federal Debt, and Pearl Fryar, but he’s also surprisingly funny

SUNDVL– this name has nothing everything to do with Arizona State, but and it is a cool name for a guy from Chattanooga. (CORRECTION: The Grover Picks was recently altered that SUNDVL has everything to do with Arizona State as it represents the alma mater of this picker. The listing is changed to reflect this new information. As punishment for the fact error, we have withheld lunch from The Commissioner.)

TERYNLEIGHANNE– Go Niners!

Teskridge– Georgia Southern grad living in the past. Also, add a few numbers to make it ’Teskridge 8700’  and the name sounds like something that should have a BAUD rating.  

THE COMMISSIONER– If you think his football posts go on forever, then never, EVER, ask him about Rush. You’ve been warned. 

THE_NAIL– just a guy looking for a hammer

TX TOAST– inventor of food at U Nebraska (Clarification: He did not invent ALL food, just some of the tastier parts such as steak, pizza, and cheeseburgers).

VOLUNATOR– Wile E. Coyote was ‘killed’ by a Volunator nine times over 6 episodes of the Roadrunner cartoon. 

Now that you know your fellow Grover Pickers, don’t you just want to hop aboard a wooden tall ship and sail for six weeks across the Atlantic with every last one of them aboard? 

Happy Picking, 
The Commissioner