Good Day, Grover Pickers.

Stand up and cheer for Week 13!

In Memoriam

The In Memoriam Section

Thankfully, the In Memoriam Section is suspended this week. Everybody is still here! So let’s talk about football!

Amateur Professional Football

The Ninth Island Showdown

Hawaii v UNLV

Playing for the Golden Pineapple Trophy since 2017

First Played 1967; 35th Meeting, Hawaii leads the all-time series 19-15

For real, the attraction here is a Japanese kicker at Hawaii, Kansei Matsuzawa, who is on the Heisman watch list. If he makes his next 3 field goal attempts without a miss, he will tie Washington’s Chuck Nelson, whose FBS record of 25 consecutive field goals to start a season has stood since 1982. If he makes his next 4 field goal attempts, he is the Luau King of All-Time.

There will be no defense. The Rainbow Warriors operate a run-and-shoot offense. UNLV, under head coach Dan Mullen, run the “I hope I don’t shoot myself in the groin” offense.

Winner retains a chance to play for the last meaningful Mountain West Championship.

The Game

Harvard v Yale

First played 1875; 141st Meeting, Yale leads the all-time series 71-61-8

THIS SATURDAY…. is the most biggest, most important-est, most most-est “The Game” EVER!

“The Game” is the defacto Ivy League Championship Game for 2025.

AND… for the first time since 1875, the winner of The Game will earn and accept an automatic bid to the FCS playoffs!

THAT MEANS…. this is the first “The Game” that includes the requisite Conference Championship Dr. Pepper halftime football toss. A poor student (financially) from Harvard and a poor student (financially) from Yale will compete by tossing footballs into a barrel. The winner earns one week of tuition at their school, estimated at $500,000. The loser is expelled.

That’s how the Ivy League rolls.

The God’s Plan Bowl

Houston Christian v Incarnate Word

First Played 2013; 11th Meeting, Incarnate Word leads the all-time series 10-0

The Houston Christian Huskies (formerly the Houston Baptist Huskies) and the University of Incarnate Word Cardinals have combined to play 311 college football games, winning a total of 121, a very Kent State-like .389 win percentage.

Philippians 2:3 (ESV)

“Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves.”

In other words, The Plan is to remain humble and lose so your opponent feels more significant. Your interpretation may vary.

The Basket Bowl

Duke v Carolina

Playing for the Victory Bell Trophy since 1948

First played 1888; 110th Meeting, Tar Heels lead the all-time series 64-41-4

The most, maybe only, interesting thing about this game is… I hesitate to get into it. This feels wrong.

I’m in conflict with myself. There is one very obvious story related to this rivalry between different hues of blue, but I don’t want to talk about it. It’s a little yucky. Yet, it’s all anyone else IS talking about.

It’s Jordon. Belichik’s girlfriend. She is a national cheerleading champion from 2021. Last week, she competed for an adult cheer team in Raleigh. Belichick, reportedly not for the first time, was there to cheer for his favorite cheerleader.

This has nothing to do with football. I think.

If you must know, I spent… let’s not get into how long I spent on this… let’s go with “I spent time” trying to figure out the results of Jordon’s competition.

You should NEVER search for cheerleading competition information on the internet. It is endless, discombobulating, and full of poorly designed websites. Calculus was easier to understand and that took me 5 years!

I discovered Jordon competes for the team Code Black out of a gym in Raleigh. From there, I failed to determine if last weekend’s competition was part of the “9 Panel Cheer Capital City Challenge 2025”, or just the regular “Capital City Challenge”.

There are various and endless classifications for cheer teams. If you are able to figure out the differences in all the cheer related competition categories, please explain it to me (actually, don’t, that’s a joke).

There are at least 6 levels of “Elite” categories. There’s D1 and D2 and Prep and Exhibition and Team.

You will find cheer teams grouped as tumbling and non-tumbling, co-ed, senior, Medium Senior, Open co-ed, International Co-ed, Small Senior Co-Ed, Juniors, Youth, Mini, Tiny, Limited Small, Limited Extra Small Co-Ed, and Senior Extra Small… That’s just a partial list.

I know you are wondering as I did, “How are they calibrating the difference between “Tiny” and “Extra Small”? Is ‘Extra Small’ a team of just two people? Is ‘Tiny’ a team of 10 people with combined weight less than 80 pounds? I still have no idea.

There is an entire industry of just Christian cheerleaders hooting, hollering, tumbling and smiling over songs by Miley Cyrus, Dua Lipa, Lizzo and DJ Khalid. There are even companies, Power Music Cheer is one, that create custom remixes for cheer teams. These mixes have names like “Grit & Glam”, “Catitude”, “Vicious and Ambitious”, “Came to Eat”, and “Ultra Extravaganza”.

No, I did not listen to any of it, but Belichick has heard it all multiple times.

Cheer Team names reflect the many levels of competition, ranging from monikers like “Baby Sharks”, “Mermaids”, and “Frostbites” to slightly more mature team names like “Cougars”, “Vixens”, and “Hiss”.

At most competitions, everyone gets at least one medal and you and your team would have to blow your basket toss, like, drop a flyer on the judges table, to not earn at least three medals. (That’s some authentic cheer lingo. Look it up.)

Each competition I found brags about having larger trophies than the other competitions. How big? One trophy at a Texas event is the same size as the actual Eiffel Tower.

There are in-person cheer competitions and virtual cheer competitions on video. There are regional tournaments and ‘classic’ competitions. Fans can buy single event tickets or season passes. A ‘season’ is 132 months long, or until your favorite cheer person’s fourth knee surgery, whichever comes first.

There’s an entire ladder system to qualify for international championships, which means the movie Dodgeball is a documentary!

I’ve learned so little, and not what I set out to learn. I may have discovered that Jordon’s team, Code Black, competes in something called “International Open Non-Tumbling Coed 6”. Maybe. That could also be the name of a space station.

“International Open Non-Tumbling Coed 6” is described as “a highly competitive, cheerleading division governed by the IASF that emphasizes advanced stunting, pyramids, tosses, and choreography without traditional tumbling” according to AI sources.

“IASF” stands for the International All Star Federation, which governs global cheer and dance. You older readers will recall the International All Star Federation from its portrayal as the antagonists in the seminal 1976 prog rock album “2112” by Rush. It includes the famous lyric by the late Neil Peart, “Attention All Members of the All Star Federation! Attention All Members of the All Star Federation! We have assumed control! We have assumed control.”

Code Black are the 2025 defending World Champions in this event and now they have Jordon.

Here is what I know for sure.

1- I, The Commissioner, am no Pablo Torre when it comes to investigation

2- Obviously, The Commissioner does not have daughters.

3- Bill Belichick is really in love to put up with all this nonsense.

Go Heels.

The Florida Classic

Florida A&M v Bethune Cookman

First played 1925; 78th Meeting, FAMU lead the all-time series 54-24-1

This rivalry game is in Orlando. It was first billed as the Florida Classic in 1978 and claims to be “The Largest Black College Football Game” in the world.

The Bethune Cookman Wildcats, 5-6, have the best offense in the SWAC. Their defense stinks. Their special teams are limited.

FAMU Rattlers, 5-5, are capable passers, ineffective rushers, with a defense that relies on turnovers.

The football is not the lead event. On December 12, the FAMU Marching 100 will go to Atlanta to compete against the Southern University Human Jukebox for the Division 1 HBCU Band of the Year. The Marching 100 are the defending champions.

FAMU’s Marching 100 have performed at 5 Super Bowls, 3 Presidential Inaugurations and it is the only HBCU to win the Sudler Trophy, considered to be the Heisman Trophy for collegiate marching bands. The fact that they have only won the Sudler once, in 1985, is a whole other scandal.

The Marching 100 ‘coaches’ include four Ph.D musicians with titles including Director of Piccolos, Clarinet’s and Saxophones, Director of Trombones, Director of Trumpets and Director of Baritones and Sousaphones.

You wish your favorite football team was coached as well as the FAMU Marching 100.

The Big Game

Cal v Stanford

Playing for the Stanford Ax Trophy

First played 1892; 128th Meeting, Stanford leads the all-time series 65-51-11

The ACC’s most famous West Coast rivalry.

Cal Head Football Coach, technically, The Travers Family Head Football Coach on Loan to California-Berkley, Justin Wilcox, has no known or publicized interest or relationship to any cheerleaders. It is a legitimate question if he even realizes there are occasionally cheerleaders at games he is coaching.

Stanford Head Football Coach Frank Reich, technically, Interim Coach, has three daughters. There must have been a moment of cheer or dance in that family, but there is no evidence the Reich family ever participated as far as the Extreme Tumbling Extra Medium Level 9, or whatever it was.

All this blatant disregard for cheerleading among these head coaches is just more proof that adding Pac12 teams to the ACC is not a cultural fit.

The End of the Good Ole Days

Gators v Vols

First Played 1916; 55th meeting, Florida leads the all-time series 32-22

We’ve seen Florida v Tennessee every year since 1990, but this is the last annual game before the SEC switches to a nine-game schedule next season.

That’s good news for your great grandchildren who may still be around if UT ever closes that 10 game gap in the all-time series.

Somehow, the Gators have won 10 straight against Smokey in The Swamp. The Vols have just two wins in Gainesville since 1977. You may recall those victories- in 2001 and 2003- during the glorious days of the Great Orange Hope, Casey Clausen.

Good news for the Vols: The Gators are in full self-sabotage mode this weekend.

• Florida will will honor former head coach and full time Fox Sports dirtbag Urban Meyer during the game in recognition of his induction into the College Hall of Fame in December.
• Failing Interim Florida Coach Gonzales plans to have Meyer speak to the Gators before the game. His topic is “How Good Lawyers Turn Felonies Into Misdemeanors.”
• AND… the Gators are cashing in with a new Geico logo painted on the field in exchange for several hundred thousand dollars. UF is a step away from the inevitable brand upgrade, leaving ‘Gators’ behind to morph into the “Florida Geckos.”

Here’s the problem. Tebow won’t be there Saturday. Urban at Florida without Tebow is just a rap sheet of abuse, crimes, coverups, and lunacy without the consecutive national titles. Urban used Tebow to distract from his own rotten core. Tebow used Urban to convince us he could throw passes. And they all conspired to run off the greatest college quarterback this century, Cam Newton.

The whole thing is bad juju. Florida should keep the trophies and never speak of any of this again.

A great opportunity for Big Orange. The Gators won’t be easy to beat. They won’t back down. But Tennessee has been the better team all season.

Go Geckos.

Professional Professional Football

Chiefs v Colts

Colts fans are in good hands.

QB Daniel Jones, an MVP candidate, leads AFC #1 playoff seed Indianapolis Colts against former Greatest-QB-Ever Patrick Mahomes and the solidly average Chiefs.

None of the Chief’s failures are Taylor Swift’s fault or preference. I blame Jake from State Farm. That series of commercials for the red insurance company are a who-is-who of declining stars- Mahomes, Aaron Rodgers, Travis Kelce and Drake.

Flo, the Gecko, Mayhem– no other insurance concern has a ruined as many careers as State Farm.

How many games will the Chiefs win this season?

Browns v Raiders

The Shedeur Sanders era begins for the 2-8 Browns. In terms of eras, we are currently living in the midst of the Cenozoic Era, aka “The Age of Mammals”, which is the shortest geological “era” so far. The Cenozoic Era began 66 million years ago, on a Tuesday. The Shedeur Sanders era might end before next Tuesday.

The Geno Smith era continues for the 2-8 Raiders. It only feels like it’s lasted 66 million years, not just 10 games.

Rams v Bucs

Remember when Baker Mayfield joined the Rams and two days later led them to victory over the Raiders on a Monday Night? Before that moment, Baker had been fired by Cleveland and let go by the Panthers, who kept Sam Darnold instead.

Rams Coach Sean McVay made Baker. McVay, in just a few hours, unlocked the talented and nutty QB’s strengths. McVay is not afraid of Baker or his little wanna-be pirate buddies. The Rams have super weapons, again. The Bucs have not been a serious operation ever since they cut Tom Brady.

Steelers v Bears

These are great names for football teams. You know “Steelers v Bears” is football. It’s not soccer or baseball or team tennis.

“Steelers v Bears” will be played on a crisp November afternoon in Chicago. It will be 52 degrees with sunshine waning into the fourth quarter.

Some people are entranced when they hear Beethoven. Others prefer to get lost in the light and shadow of a Rembrandt. The stunning sunset across a Montana range is heaven for many.

For us, “Steelers v Bears, Sunday afternoon, Chicago, November”. Football. This is the way.

Can I get a two-bits?

Happy Picking,

The Commissioner