Good Day Grover Pickers,
It’s Week 9 and I did not intend to say so much about FSU, but it happened. You are welcome.
In Memoriam
Tortillas
Texas Tech had a tradition of tossing tortillas onto the playing field at the opening kick off. Predictably, the tradition got out of hand, with fans tossing tortillas here, there and everywhere, and that has annoyed Big12 opponents. The conference started fining Texas Tech. We all know the first rule of college sports is “Don’t Mess With the Money.”
So Tortilla Tossing has entered the College Football Tradition Transfer Portal. Watch for a new NIL sponsorship deal from Taco Bell at stadium near you.
Florida- Billy Napier
The Commissioner has obtained a copy of Florida’s official Head Coach job description from HR.
Colorado State- Merritt James “Jay” Norvell III
The Rams will join the Pac12 next season. They want to upgrade the program from merely ‘winning’ to ‘dominating’. As soon as they heard Ole Miss had begun contract extension negotiations with Lane Kiffin, the Rams knew they had to act. Colorado State message boards are full of eyewitness reports of the athletic department plane traveling to Memphis and/or Oxford. Boosters are lining up to make Kiffin the highest paid coach in CSU history. Why would Kiffin go to Fort Collins? This is his chance to get back to the Pac12 and deny USC another title. (NOTE: The new Pac12 will have 9 teams, as is tradition.)
Florida State- Mike Norvell
Tough week to be a Norvell. He has not officially been fired, but the Seminoles lost to Stanford and the unwritten rules must be followed. FSU is not a rule-following situation, so they will delay the firing until the end of the season. In a world of poorly run athletic departments, FSU is special and by ‘special’ I mean ‘lesser’. They are a proud old Victorian home, glorious in its day, but now it’s just a has-been.
Adhuc Vivit
Auburn- Hugh Freeze
The King of the Four Game Losing Streak is still out here losing. For now. Freeze’s next job is sitting next to Gruden at Barstool, right?
Dolphins- Mike McDaniel
Remember when the Dolphins made Dan Campbell the interim Head Coach, then let him go and hired Adam Gase instead? McDaniel got the Dolphins to as many playoff games, 2 in 3 seasons, as the previous nine head coaches did in 14 seasons and that list of coaches includes Nick Saban.
McDaniel has a habit of treating players like adults and nobody was prepared for that, least of all the players.
Dabo
Like Tom Petty sang, “Even the losers… get lucky some times.”
Before he was the head coach, Dabo was an unproven wide receivers coach with no prior experience as a coordinator or head coach. Now, Dabo is the most successful football coach Clemson has ever had. In 2008, there were options- Will Muschamp, Skip Holtz, Bobby Petrino, Lane Kiffin – but none of them wanted the Clemson job. Dabo did. Clemson, you got lucky. Don’t push it.
Hot Seats
This should not surprise you, but there is an entire website dedicated to college football coaches ‘Hot Seats’. You can see the current ranking of all 127 jobs. Notice that the top of the list, the ‘Hot Seats’ which coaches will soon be fired from, is in direct inverse relationship to the bottom of the list, which are coaches that either just got a raise (Cignetti) or are the top candidates to leave for a new job.
Enjoy. Go to Coacheshotseat.com for more!
Born Again
Unrelated to Football, we hope, the FBI arrested the NBA’s Portland Trailblazers Head Coach Chauncey Billups and charged him with participating with the Mafia to rig poker games and probably do some other dubious gambling crimes.
Are the Jail Blazers Back?
For the Youngin’s, this is not the first time Portland Trailblzers have been in big trouble.
And, of course, an entire YouTube video:
End Times
Starting November 1, 2025, after a decision made swiftly and quietly, college athletes will be expressly allowed, if not quite encouraged, to bet on professional sports.
Apparently the college athletics leadership are the last to figure out that college football is a professional sport.
Coupled with NIL and the illegal salary cap scheme, College athletics is one dubious Congressional action away from being able to lawfully under pay its labor force for decades without the schools ever having to do much of the actual paying.
What a boost for the student-athletes!
Today, The Commissioner is announcing a new NIL Collective funded by Private Equity Concerns to sponsor college athletes who gamble using my proprietary Daily Fantasy App that I’m currently constructing with free AI tools. I’ll call it ’Scambler’.
A Fresh, Bold Future
Overheard on the Shutdown Fullcast, America’s Only College Football Podcast: Unable to negotiate a cash infusion from Private Capital or the Saudis, FSU has hit on another, more immediate idea. They dressed four guys as French disco fans, gave them a ladder and a scooter, and sent them to rob the Louvre. As soon as they fence the jewels, Mike Norvell gets paid to go away.
At FSU, it is impossible to underestimate the cultural cornerstone established by a handful of Free Shoes in 1992. The late night Foot Locker visit was described in Sports Illustrated as, “a two-handed, shelf-clearing, 90-minute shopping spree by members of the Florida State team.” An important point- an agent paid more than $6,000 for the shopping trip. It was not a robbery.
However, a robbery is the original FSU sin. Please do not forget that in 1981 an FSU player stole $27,000 in TV’s and stereo equipment from Mass Brothers in Tallahassee and shared the spoils with fellow players. Head Coach Bobby Bowden said of the stereo theft incident, “It will never happen again.”
Later, another player in a separate incident, was charged with grand theft auto (the act, not the video game).
At the time, FSU were dubbed “The Criminoles”
The Louvre heist was inevitable.
Professional Football (College Version)
RIVALRIES!
Kansas v Kansas State
Table scraps fight for the Governor’s Trophy. The 123rd Sunflower Showdown has one big question- will the Jayhawks ever win this game again. Kansas State has won every contest, 16 games, since 2009.
Iowa v Minnesota
The Kings of Corn, and therefore also High Fructose Corn Syrup, which is trying to kill each and every one of us… face off for the 119th time. The Floyd of Rosedale Trophy, which is a sculpture of a hog, is the prize. Gopher coach PJ Fleck is 1-6 all time versus Iowa, but who needs to think about records when the game is nicknamed “The Battle of the Bacon”. That sounds like everybody wins except the hog.
Michigan v Michigan State
Did they ever get the water working properly in Flint? I’d like to know that, but otherwise, I don’t think I care about anything that happens in Michigan.
Virginia v 33rd NFL Team
The South’s Oldest Rivalry, version 130. I’m sure it’s difficult for the Hoos to get excited about the game after watching the Tar Heels on film. UNC is even worse in person. So, here’s a goal for UVA. The Cavalier’s largest margin of victory in the series is a 66-0 win in 1912. Is this the year to make it 67?
Tennessee v Kentucky
These schools used to play for the Beer Barrel Trophy, formerly the Water Barrel Trophy during prohibition. They stopped the trophy in 1997 after a player died in an alcohol related car accident.
Currently there is no trophy.
They should consider a Touchdown Tortilla Trophy. Tortillas are not only delicious, as of this week, tortillas are in the college football tradition transfer portal.
SHOULD BE RIVALRIES!
USF v Memphis
Winner has the advantage in earning the College Football Playoff’s Official “Little Brother Who Always Whines, “Hey I Can Play, Too”” spot designated for the mythical Group of 5 Champion.
Oklahoma v Ole Miss
Throw out the records when these traditional SEC titans face off in their annual, conference mandated rivalry starting in 2026. Will Florida pull its alleged contract offer to Lane Kiffin if the Rebels lose?
Indiana v UCLA
Of all the traditions in college football, Hoosiers versus Bruins is not one of them. It’s an essential game for both teams in their bid to keep pace with Northwestern.
Texas A&M v LSU
LSU fans are starting to realize that Brian Kelly “Ain’t from ‘round here” originally and he’s on track to “not stay around here” for much longer. Meanwhile, A&M, which has a strong following among Grover Pickers including Bama Daddy, has to avoid looking ahead to defeating Texas next month. It’s difficult. It’s all they think about, to the extent that A&M fans think.
Arkansas v Auburn
One of these teams will get its first conference win of the season which is why Arkansas has an interim coach and Auburn’s Hugh Freeze is melting his butt on a very hot seat. If Arkansas wins, Bobby Petrino might get the chance to be either the permanent head coach for the Razorbacks, again, OR, he could finally get the head job at Auburn, which he could have had in 2003 if he’d just gotten on that plane.
Vandy v Missouri (GAMEDAY!)
10th ranked Vandy and 15th ranked Missouri are both just one game ahead of the Florida Gators in the SEC standings and Florida just fired its coach. Welcome to the Big Time, Vandy. You get GameDay on campus, and, if you lose, you can start posting about firing your head coach!
Professional Football (Pro Version)
Eagles v Giants
Is this game a John Cena movie? It feels like two high school teams coached by older brothers. Size, talent, speed everywhere, plenty of hyped dudes meaningfully yelling, “Let’s Go!”. It’s dopey, brutal and fun. Mostly dopey.
Broncos v Cowboys
Is there anything more American than ineptitude leading to success?
According to sources, the Cowboys are the greatest .500 team with one tie through 8 games in the history of the NFL. At the same time, the Broncos are the greatest 4th quarter team in history of the week and they don’t even hold up four fingers when the quarter begins!
The Broncos will wear the throwbacks this week, which always looks cool. Is there anything more American than looking cool equating to success?
Packers v Steelers
This is football. Green Bay wearing all white. The Steelers wearing throwback gold in a nod to their roots as a gambler’s play-thing. The two best fan bases in football. Collinsworth in the booth bothering people. Green Bay should blow out the Steelers, but ‘should’ has nothing to do with football as long as you yell “Let’s Go!” loud enough and long enough.
Happy Picking,
The Commissioner (Let’s Go!)
The Grover Picks 