Good Day Grover Pickers,
Welcome to Week 4.
In Memoriam
UCLA Football
Last Saturday, UPI National Champions of 1954, Top 5 All—Time Uniform Team , and Grover Picks Namesake Paul Grove’s First School, fired Head Coach DeShaun Foster.
Previous Head Coach, Chip Kelly, resigned to demote himself to offensive coordinator at Ohio State.
The Bruins have only 11 barely winning seasons since the hanging chad incident of 2000.
It gets worse! The Bruins play in the Rose Bowl, which holds 90,000 fans. UCLA attendance has fallen off to around 45,000 per game, EXCEPT, LA Times reporter Ben Bloch has done the research and found that UCLA has been inflating the attendance numbers by 8,000 to 20,000 fans for YEARS!.
Last Friday night, (admittedly and awful night to have a UCLA home game when the stadium is miles from campus and LA traffic is impossible), was announced as 27,143, but according to Bloch, there were only 12,383 tickets scanned at the Rose Bowl.
AND, the school in Westwood, surrounded by wealth, pleads poverty when it comes to support of football.
So long, UCLA. At least you looked great while losing.
Fun Rose Bowl Trivia: Legends Hospitality, a company co-founded by Dallas Cowboys owner Jerry Jones and the New York Yankees, operates stadium services at the Rose Bowl, among many other venues worldwide.So, if you hate the Cowboys, you can take joy in knowing that Jerry’s Rose Bowl venture probably isn’t doing so hot on UCLA game days.
Virginia Tech
Fired coach Brent Pry after a 45-26 loss to Old Dominion University. The AD is on shaky ground. Athletic revenue is in the bottom half of the Power 5. NIL is not competitive. School remains in Blacksburg, VA and in the ACC.
Alumni will convince themselves that Shane Beamer, 31-23 as the South Carolina coach, or Michael Vick, currently 1-2 in his first season as head coach at Norfolk State University, will return to revive the program.
Bad news, Hokies. You have a better chance of Metallica returning to play that song than returning to the AP Top 10.
Kalen DeBoer
Fired-Coach-In-Waiting DeBoer is in a no-win situation, meaning, even if he wins many games, and even a championship, the rational, clear-minded, Bama fan base is going to fire him. Upside- he’s gonna get PAID!
Hugh Freeze
Fired-Coach-In-Waiting Freeze has 4 quarters against Oklahoma to earn a chance to coach the Tigers into next season. His buyout is $20 million. Auburn loves a buyout. Here is the recent Loveliest Village on the Plain Buyout Stat Chart:
Tommy Tuberville: $5M (2008)
Gene Chizik: $7.5M (2012)
Gus Malzahn: $21.45M (2020)
Brian Harsin: $22M (2022)
Other than beating Oklahoma, and winning some other games this season, the only way Freeze is here in 2026 is if he threatens to quit and run for Congress/Senate. Bama fans wouldn’t vote to send two Tigers to DC, would they?
Never Forget
Lamar “Bo” Jackson
The Ohio State freshman running back with TWO names that are the same as famous, nee, great football players, is related to neither. He is currently averaging 12.1 yards per carry, so maybe it will pan out for the lad.
Devin Hester, Jr
The Furman Paladins wide receiver is not related in any way to Hall of Fame kick returner Devin Hester. However, he did return a kick for a 75 yard touchdown last week, so maybe it will pan out for the lad.
Lombardis
Vince Lombardi is a gap-toothed New Yorker known for hand-casting the ‘Vince Lombardi Trophy’, given annually to the Most Outstanding Professional Football Team in North America. He was also a locker room speaker who made famous the phrase, “Winning isn’t everything. It’s the only thing. Now give me my parka, it’s cold out here.”
Vince Lombardi, Jr, is the son of Vince Lombardi, the trophy guy. He played college football, earned a law degree, worked in Minnesota politics, was in the front office of the Seattle Seahawks and two USFL teams and was a labor negotiator on the side of management for the NFL. He is now a motivational speaker repeating his father’s famous words to paying audiences.
Joe Lombardi is the offensive coordinator for your Denver Broncos. He is the grandson of Vince Lombardi.
Michael Lombardi is the general manager for UNC Tar Heel Football. He is NOT related to Vince Lombardi. He is closely allied with Bill Belichick, but not with Jordon Hudson.
Matt Lombardi is the assistant wide receivers coach for the Las Vegas Raiders. He is the son of Michael Lombardi, who is NOT related to Vince Lombardi.
Mick Lombardi is the quarterbacks coach for the San Francisco 49ers. He is the son of Michael Lombardi, who is NOT related to Vince Lombardi.
Jerome Bettis, Jr
A real and actual son-of-a-bus. Currently a wide receiver at Notre Dame.
E.J. Smith
The real and actual son of the All-Time Rushing Leader and former University of Florida Student Government candidate, Emmitt Smith, is currently a grad student and running back at Texas A&M.
Cole Pennington
The real and actual son of QB Chad Pennington, is a former QB for the Marshall Thundering Herd and the current QB for the Gardner-Webb Runnin’ Bulldogs.
Akili Smith, Jr.
The real and actual son of former Calgary Stampeders quarterback Akili Smith, Sr, is now a freshman QB at Oregon.
Arch Manning
The real and actual current, for now, quarterback of the Texas Longhorns. His wikipedia page lists him as “Orphan, no known relatives”, but that seems like it was just updated late last Saturday night.
Kickers
For some reason there was a lot of chat about kickers this week, especially in Knoxville.
Grover Picker ZAD11FUTBOL is an actual former kicker and punter from the German Football League (American Football).
His explanations of kicking, generally and paraphrased:
- Any kicker you see on TV, college or pro, kicks 50 yard filed goals every day in practice. Distance is not an issue for professional or college professional kickers.
- Snaps and holds are underrated in importance and delicacy.
- Place kicking is a repeated, mechanical skill, like cutting a potato or holding a fork. You take your steps, you make contact with the correct part of your foot on the correct part of the ball, and then it goes between the uprights or it does not.
- Place kicking is NOT like a golf swing. A kicker can control the initial direction of a ball, a holder can influence the flight by how they tilt the ball, but a kicker cannot intentionally make a football dipsy-do on command.
- Under perfect conditions- on turf with a non-human holder and no snap- any seasoned kicker can hit uprights, cross-bars, signage, or mascots nearly at will. They can even place the ball between the uprights consistently.
- If, like the Vol kicker, you are relying on breathing exercises before a big kick, you have already missed. Kicking is calm. It is anti-hype. Kickers do not bang their helmets into lockers, scream “Let’s Go!” in the tunnel, or attempt tackles. That’s Punter behavior.
- Place kicking is not a mental exercise until after the kick. The special kicking ball goes in, or it doesn’t go in, and the aftermath is the mental part.
- Punting is much more fun.
Tom Brady Sitting in the Raider’s Coaching Booth
Late Monday night, when only The Commissioner and degenerate East Coast gamblers were still watching football, ESPN showed Fox lead TV analyst and 5% owner of the Las Vegas Raiders, Tom Brady, wearing a headset and seated in the Raider’s coaching booth.
The NFL says this is perfectly legitimate behavior for an owner and is NOT a conflict of any kind with Brady’s work as a Fox commentator. No rules were broken. No integrity of the game besmirched. No reasonable questions arise.
Here are the other instances when Tom Brady did not break any rules, besmirch integrity or raise reasonable questions:
–Sat in the Raiders’ coaching booth as an owner and broadcaster
–visited Byron Leftwich’s home to pick up a playbook in 2020
–watched spy gate tape
–invested in crypto and told everyone else to invest as well
-Visited Dolphins owner Stephen Ross’s yacht to discuss a role with the team while currently under contract with another team, for which the Dolphins were sanctioned for tampering.
-go to Europe for stem cell implants
-go to Europe for platelet- rich plasma blood spinning transfusion
-go to Turkey for a hair transplant (alleged)
-go to Costco to purchase a bushel of strawberries (he went to the farmer’s market, of course.)
–tucked the ball instead of fumbling the ball
Here are the times Tom Brady did break rules, besmirch integrity and/or raise reasonable questions:
–deflated footballs in a locker room before the game – served 4 game suspension.
To reiterate:
Tom Brady, IS: a pleasant and charming man, a capable athlete, a first-rate football mind, a fashion icon, and an extremely eligible bachelor.
Tom Brady is mostly NOT: a silver fox or a rule breaker, except by association, circumstance, and optics.
Robots (and humans) Are Up To No Good
To quote humorist Dave Barry, “I Swear I’m Not Making This Up.”
According to reporting by Hunterbrook Media and Pablo Torre Finds Out, there is a company founded at Harvard called BrainCo that is now controlled by the Chinese Communist Government. BrainCo is “harvesting brain data from school children and elite athletes, including Olympians” in order to build algorithms that will empower military technology in humanoid robots.
BrainCo denies everything.
The story includes scams, an Italian guy, dragons, a Sinner, the guy who intercepted Tom Brady’s last pass, and a completely on the level text exchange that definitely does NOT involve an AI agent on one side.
FOOTBALL
Dolphins v Bills Review“
“To win games, you have to win the game and not lose the game, honestly. And that is how you lose the game. You’re moving the ball down the field, you (forced the Bills to punt with the score tied) and then you (clumsily rough the kicker and let the Bills score). That was critical.”
– Mike McDaniel (in his head during the 4th quarter.)
“To win games, you have to win the game and not lose the game, honestly. And that is how you lose the game. You’re moving the ball down the field, you’re (In position to score late and win the game) and then you (throw an interception instead ). That was critical.”
– Mike McDaniel (in his head during the 4th quarter.)
Vols v UAB
Saturday night’s result sucked for the Vols. However… Tennessee’s toughest remaining opponent may be #20 Vanderbilt. Run the table, Big Orange, and we’ll see you in the playoff. Start with Future Former Head Coach Trent Dilfer’s UAB Blazers.
Oklahoma v Auburn
It was just this week that The Commissioner learned that Auburn uses a quarterback they hired away from Oklahoma, this week’s opponent.
Tiger QB Jackson Arnold returns to Oklahoma, a place he was a perfect 11 for 11 in his first game as a true freshman. Arnold was the Gatorade National Player of the Year as a high school senior. He was benched in his sophomore year and then transferred.
Oklahoma Coach Brent Venables told a press conference full of well fed reporters that he’s, “Glad Arnold is having success at Auburn.”
That success:
Indiana v Illinois
It’s beyond the imagination of College Football Fans to put a school into the College Football Playoff if their season includes a loss to Indiana or Illinois. So one of these ranked teams is in trouble.
Canes v Gators
If the College GameDay Built by the Home Depot crew, particularly Pat McAfee, can make the game day atmosphere around Canes football look interesting, they deserve all the Emmy Awards. I’m not saying it’s a mistake for College GameDay Built by the Home Depot to bring the show to… the Greater Miami Gardens Canal Area…or is it a Formula 1 track… I’m just saying making a University of Miami pre-game look like a fun Saturday of college football is like pouring barbecue sauce on an over-roasted squirrel. Technically, it’s food, but nobody will eat it.
Also, Gators have the Canes right where they want them. Sources tell me the three weeks’ of Florida ineptitude was all a ruse to lull the Canes into a false sense of ability. Billy Napier springs the trap on Saturday!
It’s true, I tell you, and if any of you say a word agin’ me, I’ll report you to the FCC and they will pull out their stinkin’ badges and strip you of your streaming rights because they can do that, you bunch of meanies!
Bucs v Jets
The Buccaneers are celebrating with a throwback look, to the uniforms they wore in John McKay’s last game as coach in December 1984 when the lowly Bucs defeated the even lowlier Jets 41-21 at the old Sombrero.
The game wasn’t that close. The Bucs let the Jets score late so they could get more offensive plays for running back James Wilder, who was close to breaking the NFL record for total yards from scrimmage in a season. Wilder finished with 2,229 total yards, just 15 yards shy of the record held by future convicted armed robber and kidnapper OJ Simpson who gained 2,243 yards in 1975 (not including yards gained running through airports).
Let’s go back in time and remember this game:
For the Buccaneers:
QB Steve DeBerg 26-34-280 3 TDs
RB James Wilder 31 carries/103 yards 2TDs, 9 receptions/60 yards
Others making receptions: Kevin House, Gerald Carter, Jerry Bell, Jay Carroll, Adger Armstrong, Theo Bell and Dwayne Dixon!
Hugh Green, John Cannon and Hall of Famer Lee Roy Selmon each sacked the Jets QB twice!
K Obed Ariri was 5-5 on XP and 2-2 on FG
For the Jets:
Head Coach Joe Walton brought a squad of undisciplined nobodies to Tampa, the wretched refuse of football dressed in baby-puke green. Not a single player of consequence or note participated for the Jets. I know. I was there! Losers, all of them, in every way.
For All Time
Today, James Wilder is 19th on the list of most yards from scrimmage in a single season, still behind the felon, OJ Simpson, and 17 other players/seasons.
Thanks Pro Football Reference!
Bears v Cowboys
The Atheist Bowl, because neither fan base should have any faith in their team’s consistent skill at football.
Vikings v Bengals
Week 3 and we’ve already got the titanic matchup of QB2 Browning v QB2 Wentz. Before you get too excited, consider that if, as happens from time to time, those QB2s get injured, we could see Bengals QB3 (random dude signed Tuesday) v Vikings QB3 Rookie from U of Minnesota, Max Brosmer.
There’s got to be a few good throws left in Tebow’s arm, right? Should they give him a call?
Ravens v Lions
NFL Mad LIbs!
What’s wrong with the (insert mascot of loser of this game)? Can it be fixed? Is (insert quarterback of losing team) going to get over the hump? Has Head Coach (insert name of losing coach here) run his course in (insert city name of losing team)? There are still 15 games to go, will (insert losing team here) be able to overcome all the injuries? Will (insert winning team here) be favored against the Bills in the (insert AFC Championship or Super Bowl, depending on which is the winning team)?
There you go! Monday Morning’s storylines for GetUp!, First Take, Good Morning Football and whatever Fox Sports 1 does at breakfast time.
WARNING:
The text presented in this post of ‘The Grover Picks’ blog has not been vetted or approved by any United States Governmental Authorities or its subsidiary states or municipalities. Any text that may be construed by a reader as “Facts” or “Alternative Facts” of “Straight Up B.S.” may or may not be deemed protected speech by accredited American Patriots at some convenient time for the American Patriots in the future. Read at your own risk. Maybe I should have put this at top of the post. Sorry. If you read this far, you are complicit now.
Happy Picking,
The Commissioner
The Grover Picks 