Good Day Grover Pickers,
Week Zero Is Here! It’s football season!
College football is so big it does not fit into one season. It needs a zero week AND bowl games AND a playoff. Let’s begin…
This week, just one pick.
Stanford V Hawaii – Featuring Jack Mowrey
CBS 7:30 Clarence T.C. Ching Athletics Complex, Honolulu, HI
We pick this game for Grover Picker Jack Mowrey (and his dad, ALL ABOUT THE U), who is the scholarship long snapper for the Rainbow Warriors this season.
Snappin’ Jack was the long snapper for James Madison the last two seasons. You may recall his SportsCenter highlight when, as a center, he caught at two point conversion during the Dukes blowout of the UNC Tar Heels last year.
Jack has swapped his boots for flip-flops, his Carhartt duster for an Aloha shirt, and his pick-up truck suitable for hunting for a topless jeep suitable for tanning.
Is Hawaii any good? Who knows. The kicker is Japanese. The punter is an Aussie. Everyone else is Samoan. And now there is Jack, the suburban cowboy. Meet Jack and hear his story here:
The Game
The head coach is the legendary QB, Timmy Chang, who still holds NCAA all-time records for total plays (2,587), passes attempted (2,436), and interceptions thrown (80). He is now only third all-time in career passing yards with 17,072.
The Warriors are officially on Mountain West ‘Dark Horse’ watch. They will score many points and there is a suspicion they will be better this season at preventing opponents from scoring more.
Hawaii is favored over ACC stalwart Stanford. The Cardinal bring back coach Frank Reich and a crappy roster of pampered, over-educated, entitled technorati wannabes, some of whom are large and fast.
*Legal Notice for Anyone Looking For Trouble- Jack is not currently active in the Grover Picks. The ‘contest’ involves no money, no gambling, and other than maybe his dad, nobody ever hears a thing about Hawaii or any other football from him. He’s just fun to root for.
Stanford Band Update
It is unclear, but unlikely, that the Leland J. Stanford Jr. Band will attend this game. The Stanford Band is not currently under a travel restriction, but it must request permission from University overlords to do so. The Band, based on unreliable reports, is suffering from management and membership deficits. They did not travel to ACC games last season.
The lesson here is that, regardless of how funny or entertaining a band may be, insulting people to their faces using a marching band on a large field and including props and signage is upsetting to people of means and ill-humor.
Anymore, instead of getting in their face with a marching band, a student’s time is better spent building a phone app designed to steal the money of people of means and ill-humor.
College Football Season Preview
The professional college season is about:
- How poorly Belichik’s UNC team will play
- If Penn State has to fire a coach that keeps them consistently in the top 5
- How Arch Manning will disappoint the Heisman voters
- If Florida’s coach is on the hot seat again.
Also, we will all gather in Week 3 to remember how much better football was back when Lee Corso was still donning headgear on Gameday.
NFL Season Preview
The professional season is about Jerry Jones, and also…
- Pressure on the QB
- Turnovers
- Injuries
- If the Steelers can finish with a winning record
- Will the Super Bowl halftime feature Taylor Swift
And gambling. All of this is about gambling now, or, more precisely, you being bad at gambling and enriching the Gambling websites.
America in 2025 Update
The Southeastern Conference announced it will expand to nine conference games in 2026 (next season). At the exact same moment, Cracker Barrel changed its logo. I’m saying this is proof that the SEC is in cahoots with Cracker Barrel to ruin the future with violence and pancakes. Predictable.
Also, WARNING:
The Commissioner has heard first-hand reports that the ‘young people’ are not serving cake at weddings. What is the point of the wedding if there is no cake? If you are reading this, It’s likely you are from the time when we had TWO cakes- a fancy cake and a tastier groom’s cake. The Commissioner is outraged! Rescind your gifts! Change the vows! – “In sickness and in health, but if there is no cake, I’m out.”
Reckless Conspiracy Theory of the Week
For all his intellect and success, without a special assistant to color code coordinated Nike branded outfits, Nick Saban could not dress himself and would strut nude through Tuscaloosa wearing only the Nike tattoo on his left butt cheek.
The Tuscaloosa city council, heck, the U.S. Congress these days, would pass an ordinance legalizing public butt-cheek nudity for anyone who coaches a national championship team.
Saban should not come back to coaching, as the rumor mill will always say is about to happen.
He is NOT going to coach Arch Manning with the Cleveland Browns in 2026. Mostly he won’t do this because if they won a Super Bowl, no law will make it appropriate to tattoo a ‘Brown’ on a butt cheek. (use your imagination, I’m not making that AI image).
This Week in Football History
August 23, 1936- OG Jerry Kramer, Green Bay Packers, is born. He turns 89 today.
Kramer is famous for 3 things:
- As the pulling guard and occasional place kicker for Green Bay Packers. He provided the ‘seal’ so the runner could get ‘in the alley’.
2. He, #64, made the block in the Ice Bowl that allowed Bart Starr to score the winning touchdown.
3. He wrote one of the most influential football books ever, Instant Replay, with Dick Schapp.
Kramer stood 6 feet 3 inches tall and weighed around 250 pounds during his playing days.
Football Success:
– 130 Games
– 5 NFL Championships
– 2 Super Bowls
– 177 total points (29 field goals and 90 extra points)
– Pioneered pulling guard technique
Before the advent of modern medicine, and during his playing career, Kramer overcame these injuries.
- Broken ankle (1961)
- Detached retina (1960)
- Intestinal infection due to farm accident wood splinters causing multiple surgeries and colostomy (1964–65)
- Forearm injury losing use of right pinky
- Multiple concussions
- Broken ribs
- Vertebrae damage
Take an ibuprofen today in honor of the legendary Jerry Kramer.
Happy Picking,
The Commissioner
The Grover Picks 