September 6, 2022
Good Day Grover Pickers,
You are reading live from the Queen Street Playhouse in downtown Charleston, South Carolina. Hey, Ya’ll!
THE COMMISSIONER is here for an event to launch the second season of a PBS television series, How She Rolls, which he produces, directs, writes, and endlessly ponders. He’s joined tonight by some suits, some talent, some socialites, and the Grover Picks very own SOFTFOCUS, the Executive Producer, who does the very same things as The Commissioner on this series, plus he has to talk to suits.
The Commissioner, Softfocus, and a Random Charleston Gorilla.
How She Rolls is a PBS hit. It follows the family and business life of entrepreneur Carrie Morey who is building a biscuit empire online and in stores across the nation with Callie’s Hot Little Biscuits. https://calliesbiscuits.com
The show is carried in over 99% of the country and all the top 25 markets. The second season is better than the first. You can watch it on Amazon, Apple TV, and of course, your local PBS station’s Passport streaming app.
Your Commissioner, THE COMMISSIONER, will have to answer questions about TV production and biscuits tonight, but you, Grover Picker, are not far from my mind.
Not just because I care, but also because I’m bored. I’ve already seen this series 438 times and I’m ready for more football! And Biscuits! (recipe at bottom of post)
NOTE: SOFTFOCUS, and to some extent THE COMMISSIONER, also recently made Buffalo Keepers, a documentary you can see on INSP and ROKU TV. There’s also a documentary we made called Downing of a Flag, about the Confederate Flag on the South Carolina capitol, and that got nominated for a national Emmy Award and a Peabody Award and you can see that on the PBS Passport Portal and Amazon.
THURSDAY
BILLS V RAMS
Audience Question from Amanda McPerky: When can I watch the new season of How She Rolls?
Answer: Who cares? What you should be asking is when does regular season NFL kickoff. That’s this Thursday night! (also, check your local PBS listings or check it out on PBS Passport or Amazon or AppleTV).
Conventional wisdom has the Buffalo Bills winning the Super Bowl and Josh Allen winning the league MVP, so the only franchise to lose 4 straight Super Bowls is setup for failure and the implosion starts now!
SATURDAY
ALABAMA v TEXAS
Audience Question from Gwen McManners: Why does the protagonist of your program use so much butter in her biscuits?
Answer: She’s from the South and butter is the most passive/aggressive ingredient in her pantry. We all want more butter until we get our cholesterol scores. Kinda like…
“One more tablespoon of butter won’t clog all of my arteries”
“Mr. Donner, can I join your wagon train?”
“Yes, I accept your offer to coach LSU”,
Of This….
NORTHWESTERN V DUKE
Audience Question from Millicent McTridelt: What is the proper level of formal education required to craft a better biscuit worthy of the finest palate?
Answer: A third grader can do it, or, The Commissioner could teach you in about half an hour if you are able to count to 4 and don’t care about measurements, which you shouldn’t. If you want to overthink it, maybe you should watch Northwestern v Duke.
This may be the last time we ever speak of Duke. If the ACC becomes and ‘also-ran’ conference, then Duke will be the least relevant football school in the ACC. Krzyzewski is gone, so basketball season isn’t likely to be any better, and, let’s never forget, ever, that Coach K’s last two loss were both to North Carolina, a fact that can never change.
More facts from the internet:
Northwestern has better traditional freshman students, sporting an average SAT of 1460, which is 10 POINTS! higher than Duke’s 1450. Northwestern is also LESS expensive, with an ‘After Aid’ annual price of $23,000 versus $32,000 at Duke.
In summary, Duke should shutdown football and sell the rest of the school to foreign investors who will turn it into an even less useful office park or maybe a biscuit factory.
TENNESSEE V PITTSBURGH – the Johnny Majors Bowl
Audience Question from Mary McMajors: Will the Vols be better than a dozen hot buttered biscuits this season?
Answer: That’s a tough one. The Callie’s Hot Little Biscuit is handmade in Charleston and is considered one of the best baked goods in the food world. A dozen biscuits is a hight bar, still, it’s fair to say Tennessee and Pittsburgh both have hope to reach that level this season.
Related- The best selling t-shirt in Knoxville this week is this:
I-WA V IOWA STATE
Audience Question from Kiki McDullhawk: I’m a vegan so I only consume oat milk. Will my biscuit still be delicious if I don’t use the same ingredients or use inferior ingredients?
Answer: Baking is an art and there are many ways to make a successful, if less than satisfying, biscuit. It’s like how Iowa is ‘successful’ at football even though it is missing ingredients such as offense.
Iowa, as near as anyone can tell, is the first team EVER to score 7 points without a touchdown. How on brand is that for Iowa?
According to the Shutdown Fullcast After Dark Podcast (The Internet’s Only College Football Podcast), There are 8 games in long history of college football in which a team punted 8 times and won the game. Of those 8 games, Iowa has won 6 six times!
FLORIDA V KENTUCKY
Audience Question from Gerri McSpurrier: Go Gators!
Answer: Go Gators!
SUNDAY
EAGLES V LIONS
Audience Question from Wendy McWhisper: Your biscuit recipe is so simple. How come when I use Bisquick and water my biscuits are not as good?
Answer: You are doing it so wrong. Proper self-rising flour made from soft summer wheat, not hard winter wheat, is essential. Bisquick is concrete mix. You can’t get it right with the wrong ingredients. Just ask the Detroit Lions.
The Lions have hired only former NFL players to coach the team. If you watched the Lions on Hard Knocks you fall into one of these categories:
- You bet money on the Lions to make the playoffs based on their coaches inspirational speeches and relatability.
- You will always bet against the Lions because there is no way Belichick coaches that way.
- Possible 3rd answer: Huh. Football really is soooo much simpler than all these goof balls make it out to be. The formula is a series of loud enchantments like this: “Let’s Go!” + “Fight, Men!” + “Grit!” + “Elephant Knee caps!” + Tom Brady = Super Bowl.
DOLPHINS V PATRIOTS
Audience Question from Pipi McPicky: I saw that you made 20 million biscuits last year, but isn’t it true that you did not make all of those biscuits with your own hands? Is that misleading?
Answer: No, we used other people’s hands to make each of the 20 million biscuits. As long as we use human hands, it does not matter whose hands they are. At the end of the day, everybody’s hands are dirty, especially Tom Brady’s.
The Patriots do not have a traditional offensive coordinator and local media is angry because Belichick will not announce which coach is to blame for calling offensive plays. And they expect a lot of blame-eligible calls.
BENGALS V STEELERS
Audience Question from Ginnifer McRothliesberger: Isn’t it hard to make a simple biscuit interesting?
Answer: Yes, but we developed 20 different kinds of biscuits and flavor profiles and we built a wide distribution framework including online sales, retail shops, catering, and grocery store chains. Simple and flexible works, which is an idea I learned from Mike Tomlin.
Remember when John Fox had the second greatest coaching season of all time (behind 17-0 Don Shula) when he got Tim Tebow to lead Denver to a playoff win?
Mike Tomlin has never coached an NFL team to a losing record. If the Steelers win 9 games this season with Mitch Trubisky/Mason Rudolph/Kenny Pickett at QB, Tomlin will supplant John Fox as the second greatest coaching season of all-time AND be the frontrunner to sign Lamar Jackson if he doesn’t get a new contract with the Ravens.
The Bengals won’t make the playoffs.
BUCS V COWBOYS
Audience Question from Ashley McYoung: How can I enhance my biscuits? Can I add a little here, maybe pull a few things back or inject some new things into my biscuits?
Answer: Yes! We add bacon and cheese, fruit toppings, frosting, ham, and herbs and spices. We are like the Tom Brady of biscuits!
The end of Tom Brady is nigh and somehow, the Buccaneers are even more overrated than the perennially overrated Cowboys.
How old are these Buccaneers? Here’s the team photo:
But don’t worry about Tom Brady. Some, like me, have said he’ll play until they drag his busted body off the field, like Bret Favre.
But it’s not true. There are no original parts left on Tom Brady to drag off of a field. He’s fully enhanced. He’s recreated himself into a second version of his human body. New Rodeo Drive Face. New Euro-Blood transfusion. Bulgarian marrow transplants.
Why did he miss 11 days of training camp? So he could melt down 5 Super Bowl rings and use the gold and jewels to fashion new knee and shoulder joints.
He is, in every respect, Anakin Skywalker reincarnated as Darth Vader.
So, yes, there is still good in Tom Brady, but not 17 games worth.
That’s all the time we have for questions. If you want to make a great, authentic, Charleston biscuit, follow the recipe and directions here: https://www.today.com/recipes/callie-s-buttermilk-biscuits-recipe-t149720
Biscuits go great with football. Enjoy and you are welcome!
Happy Picking,
The Commissioner
The Grover Picks 
I like a nice biscuit!
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