September 16, 2021
Good Day Grover Pickers,
In the last seven days everything about life in America improved!
Football was so much fun last weekend, I felt like a four-year-old in a bounce house made of Hershey’s kisses.
Except, I was able to lay still on my couch, save all that energy, and still eat Hershey Kiss like it was Halloween.
Here’s why.
The Lane Train invited Katy Perry back to The Grove (and this must happen!)
Dak Prescott showed why he’s worth the money and Zeke is worth a can of tuna. High end tuna from Whole Foods, but tuna nontheless.
FCS HBCU Jacksonville State University Gamecocks defeated the once noteworthy Florida State Seminoles in Tallahassee on Bobby Dadgum Bowden Field on a long pass play that looked every bit like Terrell Owens busting up a middle school secondary. And it was glorious.
A cat survived a fall from the upper deck at whatever the stadium is called where the Miami Hurricanes play. The cat would have survived fine without help, however, some fans had an American flag on hand to honor 9/11, and they used to to catch the cat. Once ‘rescued’, the cat tried to pick a fight with the rescuers because cats are the best.
The Oregon Ducks beat the ever-loving bejezzus out of The Ohio State University in Columbus, thus saving the entire college football season, the Pac 12, and fans everywhere from having to hear about how great the Buckeyes are again when, in fact, the Buckeyes are young, untested and sloppy. It was obvious Oregon would win before the teams left the locker rooms. Here’s your sign:
USC fired their coach after two games. He was 1-1 this season, 46-24 for his tenure, and his team was ranked!
Arkansas earned a $100,000 fine from the SEC for allowing fans to storm the field after the Razorbacks beat Texas. Best $100K Jerry Jones will ever spend.
Kyler Murray showed again why your pocket passer is just not enough fun.
Mahomes is still out here doing Mahomes things which he clearly learned at Hogwarts.
Gator QB Anthony Richardson’s stat line: 3-3/152 yards 2TD, 4 rushes for 115, 1TD, 1 pulled hamstring. Remains the second quarterback on the depth chart.
Peyton, Eli and Charles Barkley watched Monday night football together on ESPN 2 and televised sports will never be better.
The Raiders won a game in which they could not score a touchdown from inside the one yard line in overtime.
Tuesday and Wednesday are just child-locks on the week, keeping us from more football starting Thursday.
Coaching Search of the Week
Wil Muschamp to the other USC, Southern Cal
Bearcats v Hoosiers
If you are tired of Alabama dominating college football, then this game offers hope for some new blood in the college playoff! Cincinnati could beat a good Big10 team and burnish its appeal to the playoff committee. Indiana could beat a good Group of 5 team and burnish its appeal to the Music City Bowl. So much on the line here.
Oklahoma v Nebraska
50 years ago they played the Game of the Century. There’s a great chance if you are reading this you have no clear memory of 1971. Still, you may recall that Huskers v Sooners was a thing for awhile, until the weapons ‘issues’ at Oklahoma, the felon ‘issues’ at Nebraska, and then the schools did like that Journey song and went their ‘Separate Ways’.
It’s unlikely this weekend will rekindle the magic of 1971’s Game of the Century. That Thanksgiving day, Nebraska’s Johnny Rodgers returned a punt for a touchdown to lift #1 Nebraska over #2 Oklahoma 35-31. If you can’t recall the context, I’ll help. The average points per game in 1971 was 21.3 combined for both teams. This game had 66! It was more impressive than the moon landing!
Popular in 1971:
“Marsha, Marsha, Marsha!”
“My bologna has a first name….
Joy to the World by Three Dog Night
The Flip Wilson Show
Nixon
Born in 1971:
Intel’s first microprocessor
the 4004First ARPAnet email sent
Starbucks
Stairway to Heaven
Walt Disney World – Orlando
Died in 1971:
Jim Morrison
Louis Armstrong
Nikita Khrushchev
Unpopular in 1971:
Vietnam War
Communists
NY Jets
Nixon
The Ivy League Returns!
Our nation has been bereft of Ivy League football since November 2019. Saturday, the Ivies are back and to celebrate we’ll pick ALL EIGHT games!
Neither you, nor the coaches, nor the tens of fans, will know any of the players. The rosters are a wreck because many athletes left to go play at schools that were playing games, other guys just moved on to other hobbies like astro-dynamic physics, brain surgery, and soulless wealth accumulation.
So put on your best fake fur raccoon coat, grab a pennant and popcorn, have Jeeves drive you to the tailgate, buddy up with you old pals Yates and Bronwyn, and enjoy the schoolboy game at its best!
And if you just want to pick winners based on mascots, here’s your cheat sheet:
Yale Bulldogs v Holy Cross Crusaders
Princeton Tigers v Lehigh Mountain Hawks
Brown Bears v Rhode Island Rams
Harvard Crimson v Georgetown Hoyas
Columbia Lions v Marist Red Foxes (not the Redd Foxx who was married to Elizabeth)
Cornell Big Red v Virginia Military Academy Keydets (but they use a kangaroo as the field mascot.)
Dartmouth Big Green v Valparaiso Crusaders
Pennsylvania Quakers v Bucknell Bison
Academy Games
In the coming years, the Ivy League will merge with several teams playing each other in FBS games this weekend to form a new, expanded Ivy League. Here are the schools and where they rank on the newest US News and World Report Sham College Rankings List:
#9 Northwestern v #9 Duke
#6 Stanford v #14 Vanderbilt
#299-#300 Boise State v #187 Oklahoma State (somebody’s got to be the cupcake in the Ivy League, I nominate the Broncos and the Cowboys)
Penn State v Auburn
Seems a little early for the Outback Bowl, but here it is.
Crimson Tide v Mighty Gators
Great news for the Gators. US News ranks Florida the #5 public university in all of America! Alabama finishes a close #148. I expect the final score of the football game, therefore, to be Alabama 148- Florida 5. One school is training the next generation of leaders and thinkers, and the other is coached by Nick Saban. All respect. We’ve each got our lane to stay in. Florida must find satisfaction in being the Vanderbilt of North Florida.
Packers v Lions
Aaron Rodgers is a wise man on a journey to find inner peace and balance while existing in the world as a healthy, positive being. He faces a team coached by Matt Campbell, who has asked his players to bite off opposing player’s knee caps.
Namaste.
Chiefs v Ravens
May set the record for most combined receptions by tight ends in a single game. Lamar Jackson only throws to one of 8 tight ends on the Ravens roster.
Mahomes and Kelce design plays at the line of scrimmage. It goes like this:
Mahomes: Yo, do that thing.
Kelce: Cap.
Mahomes: I’ll fake it to Tyrek, I’ll hit you on the button slant 9 crossing route.
Kelce: Yeah, boy. Shooby dooby!
Mahomes: Hut!
Currently Jason Witten holds the single game tight end record with 18 catches, all on 2 yard out routes. He finished with 36 yards.
Steelers v Raiders
Who would win a staring contest between Gruden and Tomlin?
Bucs v Falcons
One of the best ways to judge QB effectiveness is the yards per pass attempt.
Falcons QB Matt Ryan is averaging 4.7 yards per pass attempt.
That is 37th best in the NFL.
If you are a pessimist you point out that Kirk Cousins and Daniel Jones are at 7.2, Taylor Heinicke is at 8.1 and Jordan Love is at 9.7!
If you are an optimist you point out that Aaron Rodgers is currently ranked 36th at 4.8. Namaste.
Here are the top QBs in yards per attempt from 1971:
Bob Berry, Falcons, 8.9
Roger Staubach, Cowboys, 8.9
Greg Landry, Lions, 8.6
Len Dawson, Chiefs, 8.3
Bob Griese, Dolphins, 7.9
Billy Kilmer, 7.3
Pete Liske, Eagles, 7.3
Virgil Carter, Bengals, 7.3
John Hadl, Chargers, 7.1
Bill Nelsen, Browns, 7.1
The QB in 1971 who averaged 4.8 yards per attempt was Dan Reeves of the Cowboys.
What does it all mean?
Seems like Matt Ryan is set to coach the losing team in the Super Bowl in 25 years and it will likely be the Broncos. I wonder if the impending beating he will take from the Bucs will be a stepping stone to that new career.
Also, Pete Liske used his top 10 season as a springboard to the Calgary Stampeders Wall of Fame, a career in the 80s as an NFL Back Judge, and stints as Athletic Director at the University of Idaho and Toledo.
Pete Liske foreshadows Aaron Rodgers?
That was 1971.
Now you know… the rest of the story!
Happy Picking,
The Commissioner
The Grover Picks 