December 15, 2020
Good Day Grover Pickers,
Quickly, let’s make sense of this week’s football.
We are picking every game played this weekend. We’ll probably pick a few that won’t be played. We have to get this week’s picks in because next week’s picks start on Tuesday!
THURSDAY
RAIDERS V CHARGERS
The Raiders fired their defensive coordinator Sunday night because the defense was about as strong as the border wall between the US and Canada.
Not to fear this week. The Chargers are self-defending and entertaining in painful ways.
FRIDAY
Conference USA Championship
MARSHALL v UAB
Marshall lost to Rice 20-0 two weeks ago. How is that not an automatic disqualification from playing in the league title game?
MAC Championship
BUFFALO V BALL STATE
The Buffalo coach is leaving for a new job as soon as this game ends. He doesn’t know which job, but he knows he’s leaving Buffalo because wouldn’t you? Ball State winning a conference championship isn’t the most 2020 thing, but it’s in the conversation.
NEBRASKA V RUTGERS
A BIG10 Rivalry For the Ages. Tom Osborne’s Huskers never defeated the Scarlet Knights so this is revenge!
That’s misleading. Nebraska is 4-0 vs Rutgers having played them in 1920 then in 2014, 15, and 17. This game hardly seems worth the effort.
INDIANA V PURDUE
Cancelled. No Old Oak Bucket for you or anyone else.
PAC 12 Championship
USC v WASHINGTON
Cancelled. Nobody wanted to see the Huskies.
PAC 12 Championship
USC V OREGON
Of course, this means Saturday’s Colorado v Oregon game is cancelled, so we don’t get to see the buffalo run in the snow. USC has a fourth quarter comeback win over Arizona this year. The same Arizona that lost 70-3 last week to Arizona State. And the PAC 12 Champion may not get to go to the Rose Bowl anyway because that game may have to move out of LA this year. If the Rose Bowl moves, it has to go back to Duke’s Wallace Wade Stadium, site of the only Rose Bowl ever played outside of Pasadena, where the PAC 12 Champ would have to face Coastal Carolina. It’s the proper 2020 thing to do to the PAC 12. (Also, the Rose Bowl is a playoff game this season so neither of these teams is going anyway.)
SATURDAY
GEORGIA TECH V MIAMI
Cancelled. Scoreboard doesn’t have enough pixels to show all the rushing yards these two would give up.
BIG10 Championship
OHIO STATE V NORTHWESTERN
We all get it. The Buckeyes are really good. So good the rules are changed so they can get into the playoff so we can see them against Bama or Clemson or Notre Dame.
So, Northwestern needs to win.
This is 2020 in America. Nothing and Nobody is here to meet your expectations.
Big12 Championship
OKLAHOMA V IOWA STATE
A rematch. The Cyclones won 37-30 like a week ago or maybe 6 weeks ago, who can tell time these days. The winner gets a trophy and will probably print some t-shirts. Yay.
Big “T” Championship
TEXAS A&M V TENNESSEE
Follow me here. Word is UT wants to keep (read: not payout) Jeremey Pruitt, BUT, they also want to fire him next season and hire Hugh Freeze, who loves UT we are told, BUT, Hugh Freeze might get offered the Auburn job in days, SO, UT’s brightest boosters might try to send Jeremy packing now so they can get Hugh Freeze NOW, which is like swapping out a blown tire for a blown tire that’s on fire and filled with cocaine.
Good luck, Vols!
GEORGIA V VANDERBILT
Cancelled. Vandy says, Thank You.
WAKE FOREST V FSU
Why would anyone attend this game between losing teams with ugly uniforms? Now, consider, why on earth would you PLAY this game between losing teams with ugly uniforms during a pandemic? This doesn’t move humanity forward at all so it’s on-brand for FSU.
UTAH v WASHINGTON STATE
Utah has good looking uniforms. They remind me of Christmas, so that’s nice.
Commander In Chief Trophy
AIR FORCE v ARMY
Army v Navy was on CBS with full hype graphics, weepy stories, and the Commander In Chief in attendance. This game, in which the winner actually earns the Commander in Chief trophy, is relegated to CBSSN. Air Force deserves better.
Sunbelt Conference Championship
COASTAL CAROLINA V UL LAFAYETTE
More ranked teams playing for this title than in the Pac12 Championship.
OLE MISS v LSU
Dear Rebels, The Tigers are likely to take off their shoes often in this game and leave them near you on the field. They may even hand you their shoes. Don’t fall for it! Leave the shoes on the ground! Don’t pick up the shoes and, whatever you do, DO NOT THROW THE SHOES! It’s a trap!
MISSOURI V MISSISSIPPI STATE
Two wallflowers at the prom afraid to ask anyone to dance.
ACC Championship
CLEMSON v NOTRE DAME
On the one hand, Clemson is annoying and goofy. On the other hand, I have no interest in forever hearing about how Notre Dame spent ONE season in a conference, won it, and went on its way.
WISCONSIN v MINNESOTA
The 114th meeting, the longest uninterrupted FBS series in the world. Play On, Boys! This was ‘cancelled’ last month and resurrected because both teams avoided the conference championship game and this streak seems worthy of the effort. Plus, there is an ax involved.
Mountain West Championship
BOISE STATE v SAN JOSE STATE
San Jose is 6-0 and has to play all road games due to the pandemic. It’s the feel good story of the West Coast and the Broncos are so 2008.
NFL
BILLS V BRONCOS
Ok, there are TWO NFL games on Saturday because there aren’t supposed to be any college games on Saturday and now we get to see how a second rate pro game does in the TV ratings head up against Clemson v Notre Dame.
SMU v UTSA
Cancelled, and nobody will miss it.
PENN STATE v ILLINOIS
Not sure how the Illini could fire a guy with a Santa beard so close to Christmas, but they did. Happy Trails, Lovie Smith.
IOWA V MICHIGAN
Cancelled. Remember a few years back when Michigan held spring practice in Rome, Italy? Did they ever come back from that trip?
UCLA v STANFORD
Best haircuts in football here.
MARYLAND v MICHIGAN STATE
Feels like the football equivalent of working security on the night shift at Kroger in East Lansing.
SEC CHAMPIONSHIP
ALABAMA V FLORIDA
Florida cannot tackle.
Alabama has multiple gentlemen who are not tackleable.
Start drinking early, Gator fans.
AAC Championship
CINCINNATI v TULSA
In what universe is it OK for Tulsa to play for the championship of anything other than a rodeo?
NFL
PACKERS V PANTHERS
I’ll say it. Could Aaron Rodgers even start for Bama?
OREGON v COLORADO
Cancelled. Oregon got a better offer and ghosted the Buffs.
ARIZONA STATE V OREGON STATE
UPGRADE: This should be ARIZONA STATE V OREGON STATE V COLORADO. The three squads alternate sides. For instance, the Sun Devils open on offense against the Beaver defense. When the series ends, Oregon State goes on offense against Colorado’s defense and they keep alternating until Alabama scores 65 points or Aaron Rodgers throws 5 TDs, whichever comes first. That would be some awesome TV channel flipping.
SUNDAY
The NFL plays a full slate highlighted by:
CHIEFS v SAINTS
Maybe you think the Chiefs are fast, but you are underestimating them. Also, Taysom Hill is what you all expected Tim Tebow to be and it’s still not all that good.
MONDAY
MYRTLE BEACH BOWL
APPALACHIAN STATE V NORTH TEXAS
Nothing says, “Welcome to Bowl Season” quite like football on Monday at 2:30 between two off-brand powerhouses playing in a tacky beach town in winter.
STEELERS V BENGALS
Cincinnati keeps leaving phone messages with Jim Harbaugh looking for the secret of how to get out of these kinds of games without looking too scared. Also, this just in to the Grover Picks, Ben Rothliesberger is now confirmed as the dumbest jock in the NFL. Congrats, Ben!
If you made it his far, thank you. But don’t get cozy. After the Monday games this week, there is more TUESDAY football!
It was almost never starting and now it’s never-ending!
Happy Picking,
The Commissioner
The Grover Picks 